


Equal Exchange

by KiliDurin



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not Related, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bitter!Thorin, Fisher!Fili, Fluff, M/M, Merman!Kili, momentary character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-22 09:03:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3723121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiliDurin/pseuds/KiliDurin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili's first contact with a human happened by an accident, as he was caught on a fishing net belonging to a young man named Fili.</p><p>An unlikely friendship forms, which lead into Kili exchanging his tail for feet so he could be with the human, but a twisted turn of events throw his life in a darker path that he might not survive from.</p><p>His only chance of survival is the blond fisherman, but who is Fili really?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Waves rolled long over a white shore, littered with cracked seashells and round pebbles. The sand seemed blue under the moonlight, cooled by water, and soft under bare feet. The ocean air smelled crisp with a tinge of salt and decaying seaweed, an oddly comforting scent that Fili breathed deep as he made his way to a lonesome pier, a small sack of fishing goods slung over his broad shoulders.

A single boat rocked there, tied to a beam by an old but trusty rope, lined with frays and years of use. The boat itself was a simple rowboat, wooden and patched in several places. Well-loved and well-worked, and still held her weight effortlessly. Fili loaded the old floater with his supplies, and took his time in rowing out.

The night was remarkably clear, shining with starlight and a moon so full and luminescent it felt as if Fili could reach out and hold it in his hands.

He loved evenings like this, with the cool air and a cloudless sky, the gentle rock of the water against the wood of the small boat. Fili took his time, savoring the feeling of being completely at peace on the water, as if he had gone home from a long journey, which most days were starting to feel like working the docks.

Fili felt he could lay back in this boat a while, and let the ocean send him adrift.

But that didn't fill hungry bellies. Nor did it fill his pockets with coin. Fili frowned, knowing he had a job to do.

Sighing, he rowed as far out to the first line of anchored buoys where he had usually tied his nets. Fili reached for the rope, and found them to be heavily strained, and the buoy itself tilting as if weighted on one side. This part of the fishing season did little to catch him anything bigger than a few handfuls of small mackerel. The little silver fish didn't make much but bait, but fisherman needed something to use. If they caught anything bigger, then all the better.

Feeling elated, Fili cut the rope with a small knife, grasping the net. With a small grunt, he started to heave.

*

Under the surface, Kili hadn't seen the net before it was too late. He had been following the current, enjoying the new area he was currently living in. Then there had been a distant pull on his fin and he turned around startled, seeing his light blue colored fin being tangled with an insistent net. He curled a little, trying to pull himself free with no avail as he was tugged towards the surface.

When he broke the surface, Kili let out a low hiss out of instinct, hitting his fin against the side of the boat and trying to hit the human that was on the boat. He knew too well what happened to their kin when they were pulled up in the humans world and he was not going to go down without a fight.

Kili pushed himself up on his arms, seething at the human again as he fought to get the net away from his fin. This was not good, definitely not good, the human most likely had a knife in his hands. Then again he was currently frozen as well, so that bought him a little more time. He twisted his body, hands reaching out to the net and started to peel it away, keeping his eyes on the human all the time.

His dark hair fell before his face, hiding the emerald eyes, lips hiding the sharp teeth as he hissed again, his fin connecting with the other edge of the boat.

The initial shock of suddenly pulling up something that was both fish and human in appearance was what gave Fili pause, for lack of a better way to describe the shock. The boat held well for the thrashing as what was probably a two-hundred pound aquatic creature flailed angrily within the small hulls. 

Hissing, glaring, attempting to swat at him with a net-tied tail, which Fili had to block with his forearm, flinching at the feeling of hardened bone rattling his own. It was like blocking punches.

“Wait, wait--” Fili said uselessly, but he doubted the creature understood him. The thrashing stopped for a moment, and the blond peered over his scratched arm at the creature who bore sharp teeth at him. Fangs, long, dark hair wild over eyes that glinted in the light.

Angry, yes but possibly frightened. The creature was heaving deep breaths, attempting to peel away the net that was tied and tangled around it's long blue tail.

“Hold on.” Fili said, placing his hands up, the small fishing knife held in what he hoped was a non-threatening manner. “You won't go anywhere trying to pull it...”

The blond swallowed, taking the farthest end of the net. He cut it with the knife.

“I'm going to cut it off,” Fili said slowly, showing the creature one more time. It took a bit of sawing through, but it cut through the thin ropes eventually.

“I won't...” Fili watched the creature, trying not to look at its teeth. “I'm not going to hurt you.”

Kili released another hiss, chest heaving as he stared at the human and the knife in his hands. Something in his tone was calming, caused his fin to stay completely still when the human cut through the net.

There was still wariness in his eyes, and as soon as he was able to he slid over the edge back to the water. Only there did he release a small sound, swimming in small circles, joyful to still have his life. The human had not killed him. For some reason he had not been skinned or fed from.

His head broke the surface a safe distance away from the boat and he just stared at the man.

The blond dropped the knife after a minute, pushing his now ruined net aside. The only way Fili knew what he just saw and did was reality was the sound of the creature swimming in the water, taking a few laps around his small vessel.

Fili swallowed, following the dark lines illuminated by moonlight, and the eyes that peered at him over the waves.

He was certain then, that was a siren.

For a moment Kili did nothing else but stare at the human.

Then, not wishing to risk his life further, he released a small sound that resembled a song, eerie and soft before disappearing under the surface.

A pretty note that Fili wouldn't soon forget. It wasn't like any sound he had heard before, and one that would likely haunt his dreams.

Still yet, despite it's otherworldly appearance and ethereal music, Fili felt as if that note might have been a thank you.

Anyone else would call it an omen, however. Sirens were no creatures of luck, and the elderly would be quick to say his fortunes were to turn sour.

Fili returned to the shore that evening, tying his boat back in place, with his small catch in his sack of supplies and returned to the town up the road. He deposited the fish into a nearby barrel without much thought, took bread and mead for dinner, and slept poorly.

Most fishermen would feel compelled to tell their story, but Fili said not a word. He did his duty at the docks, hauling cargo and bartering trade. He exchanged banter with the fellow hands, and shared a tankard with the salty sea dogs that visited the busiest taverns. As immersed as he usually was during the tales of adventures on open water, Fili found himself drifting in and out of the riveting story of a young man named Jim and the legendary Blackbeard.

Instead, he thought of the creature he only thought existed in myths.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't as if the thought hadn't crossed Fili's mind afterward.

Laying back on the wood and pillowing and arm under his head, Fili held the pipe in one hand over his stomach. He thought of the great deal of money he could have hauled in if he turned that creature over. Oh, alive especially. He would have become right famous. Fili Durinson, discoverer of mermaids. What a prize it would have been, and the many photos to boot.

Yet, Fili imagined his mother would have been very, very disappointed in him, if she were around still. The blond quirked his lips, smiling a little sadly.

No, there wasn't anyway he could have done that. Not to something-- someone, that looked at him like that. Angry, frightened, intelligent. Fili was sure the creature understood him.

After all, it did sit long enough for Fili to ruin his perfectly good net.

The blond sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He'd have to barter for a new one, or make his own.

Out in the water, Kili studied the man carefully. There was just something... relaxing about him. The aura around him wasn't hostile nor dangerous. Not to him anyway.

He wasn't sure what it was about the human that drew him closer. He had never been this close to the land before-- he knew bad things would happen if he was seen. But still, there was something about the blond that made Kili poke his head through the surface behind the safety of the rocks, and he just studied him.

The man had let him go despite of what he could have achieved if he turned him in.

It was enough to spike up his curiosity.

His hands rested against the stone, head tilting to the side ever so slightly before he called out. It was a quiet sound, one that could be easily mistaken for a wind had it not been heard before.

Fili sat up, startled at the sound. It sounded a little like wind chimes, but there was a pitch there that was awfully familiar.

He surveyed the water first, looking for any sign of it on the open surface. Then to the nearby rock formations towards the shore. Fili met the eyes of the mercreature he had caught, staring back at him curiously.

Kili stared right back at him, not sure why he had let the human know he was there in the first place. Would he call out for someone? Or would he just stare?

Stare likely. Most definitely.

Because Fili couldn't tear his eyes away. The proof was in front of him again, as tangible as the scar that was forming on his arm from his first encounter.

Silence. Water, wind, the rustle of nearby trees and the foam of the ocean forming on fine sand, washing away the footprints Fili left there from his walk.

Absently, the blond puffed at the pipe, only to find that it had gone out. Blinking rapidly, he looked at it with a small frown. Fili thought to relight it, but found his matchbox empty. He shook his head, and pocketed both the empty box and his pipe, leaning over his knees.

The look of confused distress on the man's face caused Kili's lips to curl up briefly. There was just something amusing by the way the man seemed to be confused by the thing in his hands.

From what Kili had had time to see, the thing had blown out smoke.

Humans. They were weird.

The creature seemed to be watching him with a bit of amusement. Fili vaguely thought he must have looked strange.

Likewise, so did Fili. Well, thought the siren a strange sight. Beautiful, like a sea-wraith. A phantom of the open ocean, with pearly pale skin and shining eyes, teeth like the fabled vampires of the mires. But rugged in face and body.

Male. Probably.

And odd. Very odd.

Fili worried his bottom lip, before they quirked into a half smile. Awkwardly, he raised his hand and waved it slightly.

He didn't know if that counted as a greeting in siren.

But it was something.

Kili blinked at the sudden movement the man made. It felt like he was expecting something from him. He lifted his own hand from the water, staring at it for a long time before wriggling his fingers.

A greeting? An insult?

But there had been a hint of a smile on the man's lips when he did it.

So a greeting then, most likely.

He did his best to copy the movement, feeling the air pass his hand.

Fili nodded, and found himself laughing softly. His shoulders sagged at the gesture, and he seemed to relax. He let out a short breath, and put his hand down back in his lap. He stared a moment longer, and after a while began to feel intrusive and rude.

Clearing his throat, Fili tore his eyes away to look back at the water, rubbing the back of his neck.

Fili felt a little awkward, and as if the creature was still staring at him. Yet the blond couldn't look back without feeling strangely embarrassed.

So, Fili tried to relax as he always had. Perhaps they were both here to just enjoy the water and the air. He laid back down, pillowing his head again with both arms. He looked up at the stars, and counted them. He traced constellations with his eyes, made out the Big Dipper, Cancer, Leo and Gemini-- Sirius, Altair, and Auriga.

In his lax state, Fili started to hum a little old tune for heart broken men. Eventually he sang, soft and low, eyes falling half-lid.

_“As I was a walking down in Stokes Bay  
I met a drowned sailor on the beach as he lay  
And as I drew nigh him, it put me to a stand.,  
When I knew it was my own true Love  
By the marks on his hand. _

_As he was a sailing from his own dear shore  
Where the waves and the billows so loudly do roar,  
I said to my true Love, I shall see you no more  
So farewell, my dearest, you're the lad I adore._

_She put her arms around him, saying O! My dear!  
She wept and she kiss'd him ten thousand times o'er.  
O I am contented to lie by thy side.  
And in a few moments, this lover she died._

_And all in the churchyard these two were laid,  
Anda stone for remembrance was laid on her grave,  
My joys are all ended, my pleasures are fled,  
This grave that I lie in is my new married bed.”_

It was beautiful.

It held emotion Kili couldn't place, and he found himself moving closer quietly. He could always duck under the dock if others were to come to the shore.

Fili let out a long breath as he finished, sleepily closing his eyes. The sound of the water hitting the rocks and the barnacle ridden beams of the pier were soothing. The smell of the air, the quiet of the night. He could spend it here, content.

But there were things to be done, men to appease. Ships to be loaded, fish to be caught.

Fili sat up again, ruffling his hair. He looked towards the rocks, and found the siren had gone.

“The racket I made probably didn't help,” Fili chuckled, rubbing his throat. He wasn't a terrible singer, but he was likely not a great one either. Turning his head back towards the water, Fili was startled by the sight of those eerie eyes peering at him from between his knees.

The creature had moved closer, resting long fingers on the on the edge of the wood.

Fili tried not to look nervous. So he swallowed, and opened his mouth to say something.

“Um,” was the only thing he managed.

"Uhmm." Was Kili's reply, head tilting to the side ever so slightly, the piercing look in his eyes the only clue that he was keeping an eye on the man's every movement.

Copying. Or learning, Fili wasn't sure. But it near made him laugh.

“No, sorry.” Fili shook his head, but the creature only stared at him curiously, and mimicked him. “I meant... hello.”

"Uhhm." Kili replied again, the complicated string of words not making any sense to him.

Fili merely conceded to nodding. Right. No English, not a lick of it. Just sounds. Sounds and possibly gestures, with the curious way he stared, tilted his head and blinked large eyes.

“Um.” Fili repeated in agreement, and smiled softly.

He would try for something else. It appeared this merman was trying to communicate.

So Fili pointed to himself.

“Fili.” He said slowly.

"Fiuhhm."

“Close, but no.” Fili shook his head, laughing under his breath.

“Fi~li.” He said again, slower, accentuating each syllable.

Kili frowned a bit, listening closely to the man's word.

"Fihm..... Fi... F...Fiili."

Fili nodded his head, eyes lighting up as the merman got it correct.

“That's right,” he said, grinning. “You...?” he pointed to the merman next.

Kili's head tipped back a bit when the finger came too close to his liking, and he sunk slightly under the surface.

His name? Was he asking for his name?

"...Kili."

“Kili.” Fili repeated with a nod. It was very close to his own name. “That won't be hard to forget I think.” He said. “It's a nice name.”

Fili's eyes wandered over Kili's face, taking in the details of his features. Wide eyes, sharp brows and nose. Pale lips, and a stubble chin. Dark hair on his pearly white body, only revealed at the collar and shoulders. If it weren't for the teeth and eyes, anyone could be convinced that Kili could be human.

It almost fooled the blond for a moment, if he couldn't see the outline of that long tail in the clear water.

“My god,” Fili said, mostly to himself. “You are real, aren't you?”

Kili's head tilted to the side as the human studied him, taking the time to study him in return.

What confused him was the lack of scales on his skin.

Kili's skin was not smooth or soft, like human's were. No, it was built from tiny, tiny scales resting against each other, keeping him warm in the colder waters.

There were small lines that Fili could make out in the light, and that probably what made Kili seem to glow in the light of the moon. He had the urge to touch, and wondered if the scales were anything like any other fish.

Fili rose his hand, fingers curled slightly.

Kili jerked slightly, but did not pull away. The hand was curled like he was reaching out for something, like... he wished to touch.

He stayed still, but there was clear warning in his posture that Fili would lose his hand should he do something wrong.

Fili worried his bottom lip with his teeth, fingers shaking slightly. Warm tips touched the cold skin of the merman, and Fili found that it wasn't much like a fish at all. Slick still yet, for swimming faster, possibly, the little scales smooth beneath his touch.

Swallowing slightly, the blond kept his movements slow, curious, light. Hopefully not the least bit threatening. Those sharpened fangs peaked between parted lips as Fili brushed his thumb over his mouth.

Kili staid completely still, the touch... surprisingly gentle. It felt soft, the skin against his own warm. He made a curious sound in the back of his throat, lips parting at the touch.

His tongue flicked out to taste the skin, a soft purr slipping from the parted lips.

That was a bit of a surprise.

Fili half expected to be bitten, not... tasted. More or less. Kili was a bit like a cat, testing to see if he tolerated touch and the person touching.

Slowly, the man brought his hand back so as not to startle him.

Kili pulled back from the touch as well, curious fingers dancing over the spots Fili had touched. It had left a warm feeling on his skin, one he had not felt before and another curious nose slipped from his lips.

“I'm...” Fili began, watching Kili, listening to the small, melodic sounds he made. His voice was nothing he had ever heard. Like a constant song.

“I'm not very good at conversation,” Fili admitted, smiling at Kili lazily. “But I don't think you'll mind much.”

Kili's head just tilted at the voice, a sort of clicking noise slipping from his lips. Yet another sound pierced the air and his head shot up. The voice was smooth like Kili's, perhaps a tad deeper and more mature and he smiled as he turned to look at Bilbo, who looked at him anxiously from the rocks.

With a last look at Fili, Kili dove under the water, swimming over to his friend calming him down.

Fili blinked as the creature suddenly disappeared. He stared at the shadows as they swam beneath the water. The blond stared out over the waves, mouth slightly gaped. He stood up slowly then, stretching the kinks out of his back.

A short lived visit, but one not unwelcome, and one Fili hoped to repeat.

“Well,” he said to the open water, unsure. “Until next time, I suppose.”


	3. Chapter 3

Kili met up with Fili few times in the couple of weeks. They never spoke, mostly because they could not understand each other, but he found himself fond of listening to Fili sing. Not only that, but it was surprisingly comforting to just be around the blond.

He hadn't tried to harm him, capture him or do anything else to hurt him which in turn made him trust the man just a bit more.

The problem was...

He wanted to spend more time with him. 

He wanted to be able to communicate with him, to be closer and learn the ways of the humans. Who knew, perhaps there were more people like Fili up there?

That's why Kili swam to the eastern shore close to the tiny island in middle of nowhere, whistling loudly towards the small cabin. He had never asked Gandalf for anything, but now.. he needed a favor.

It wasn't quite an island, but more of a large rock with a dip to a sandy shore. There wasn't quite enough room to keep that shabby shack, which appeared to need a lot of work. Parts of palms grew from it, and several other fruit trees dropping over-ripened fruit, left to ferment.

One would think a place like this would exist in the middle of the ocean. Let alone have someone actually live there. But the old man who did, definitely did. He hung seashells and dried herbs all along the fallen beams. Jars of miscellaneous things, fish bones, rocks, shells, and the innards of some long dead animal decorated the outside alongside pots of plants.

Gandalf himself was a lanky old man in sea-salt worn robes, the hems always wet from the walks along the small sandy cove at the corner of his abode. He sat on a seaweed covered rock, clothes wet from the wash of small waves. His beard had several shells within it, the long end flecked with sand and surf. He seemed to be muttering a little as he swirled a long gnarled staff in a small pool of trapped fish and hermit crabs.

He heard Kili's soft whistles and clicks, and didn't acknowledge him quite yet until he swam closer.

“Greetings,” The old wizard said, bushy brows raising as the merman broke the surface of the water. “It is Kili, if my old eyes are not mistaken.”

Kili nodded his head in confirmation. He wasn't sure how or why, but he could understand Gandalf's words. It felt like they left his lips as gibberish, yet when they reached his ears he had no trouble understanding what the old man was talking about.

And mostly it worked the other way too.

Kili clicked his tongue, releasing a series of cooing noises, voicing his desire to join the humans, to join Fili.

Gandalf hummed, and tapped the pool. The water glowed a slight blue before the light flickered out. The old man cursed a little, before letting out a long suffering sigh.

He listened to Kili's inquiry, and blinked his aged eyes, brows crinkled in concern. Leaning heavily on his staff, Gandalf considered the creature.

“That's a heavy request,” the old man said. “And not one without consequence.”

Kili nodded his head again-- he knew it would be risky, and most likely stupid. But he would never find answers to his questions if he stayed under the surface.

The old man hummed again, but thoughtfully.

“It is not a light decision to be made,” Gandalf said after a moment. “There was a mermaid with a similar request who spoke to a sister of mine. She had her legs for three days, and danced on pins and needles for a prince tirelessly, until her heart broke and she became a wraith. Foam, an echo for the ocean as it desperately grasps at the shore, longing for something she couldn't have.”

The old man cleared his throat, shifting on his spot. “You mention a man. You say he is good, so you long for the land he walks on. So tell me, Kili, Son of the Waking Sea, is it love that drives your ambition?”

Love?

Kili frowned a bit, touching his own chest.

He wasn't sure.

He opened his mouth, speaking about affection and will to learn, to understand. He wasn't sure if it was love, but he knew he wished to get to know Fili more.

“Budding then,” Gandalf said, lips quirking. “Rather amusing that. The heart is a funny thing. Fragile and easily broken, of course. But still funny.” He watched Kili a while, then took another moment to think.

Seeming to come to a decision, the old man stood on shaking legs.

“Very well, I will grant your request.” He said. “However, these things do come with a price. Magic is no easy feat, and something of equal value must be paid for it.”

Equal value? Meaning what?

Kili nodded slowly, asking him what would be something equal he could give away.

“Nothing extravagant,” Gandalf assured him, waving a dismissive hand. “You may keep your pearls and shining shells. I'm not a bit like my sister. I have no need for voices or memories either. Besides, you'll need both if you wish to learn anything from the human world.”

The old man moved from his place on the rocks, stepping lower into the shallow water with creaking knees. He started to gather some things from the bottom, inspecting rocks and throwing them aside with a grunt, until he found a stone, perfectly round and smooth in appearance and touch. He pocketed it with a satisfied mutter.

“My magic is conditional,” Gandalf went on to say. “And comes from the very water you're born in. The ocean is potentially harsh, one moment calm before stirred by storms. She either pushes ships along or swallows them whole. I ask for nothing, but she might ask for all. We won't know what your price will be until I cast this spell upon you. So are you sure, my friend, that this is what you desire?”

Kili hesitated for a moment. It could ask him a lot. But he was willing to give anything if it meant he could be together with Fili. He knew there were risks, a lot of them, all dangerous.

But if there was even the slightest chance...

So he nodded.

He wanted this.

“Then you will have it,” The wizard said.

It wasn't a moment later that Gandalf set to work. He moved from his spot in the water, up the small cove of sand and to the cottage. He gathered a small bag of stones and various things, jars of mixed powders and vials of oil. This magic was no wave of the stick, but a ritual, and an offering to the sea.

Low mutters in a language long since lost, tossed powders and crushed this or that. Burning incense that smelled stronger than the fermented fruit, all in a stone circle that the waves just barely touched. Gandalf set a bowl before the shore, and watched as the ocean water gathered and lapped around it, until a wave washed over it.

Full of foaming water, Gandalf took the bowl and peered into it. He seemed to stare for a long time, before nodding in understanding. He was mumbling something, likely a thanks, reaching in with dirtied fingers, and extracted a single pearl.

He returned to Kili with it, his face a little grim as he waded into the shallow water.

“Go to the shore where you wish to be,” Gandalf said. “Sleep upon the sand. When you awaken next, you will be human.”

He held out the little gem towards Kili.

“Once you take this, the spell is complete.” The wizard went on. “And there will be no turning back.”

Kili took the pearl with careful fingers, holding it against his chest. Unlike other pearls, this one felt warm, alive in his palm. 

He whistled his thanks for the man before making his way to the shore, keeping himself hidden until the dark took over the lands. It was a lesser risk to be caught that way, and he quietly made his way to the shore.

Finding a place under the docks, Kili heaved his upper body on the sand, the tip of his fin the only thing resting in the water. If someone were to see him, he would die. Yet it was a risk he was willing to take as he let himself fall asleep on the sand.


	4. Chapter 4

Dawn was the time Lady Montiley enjoyed most when walking the white shores. The tropics were a lovely place to live for a woman of her age. Old, widowed, but well off to live in her estates left behind by Baron Montiley, she enjoyed a quiet life with her small dog and her niece, a pretty lass with long auburn hair the sailors on the docks knew as Amelia.

The fishing ports weren't the most savory, but the beach always was. Lady Montiley walked arm in arm with an old friend, an elderly gentlemen she fondly knew as Ian. He chatted idly with her about the world, and was always ever so polite and gentlemanly, always referring to her as “my Lady” and “Madame”. 

It was her and darling Ian who came upon the body under the dock. At first Lady Montiley feared a washed up body, a poor victim of the storms, but was reassured to find the lad breathing. Fast asleep, and without a garment to speak of.

The woman knelt by his side, and gently touched his shoulder.

“Young man,” She said, and shook him gently. “My dear boy, can you hear me?”

Kili frowned, his brows furrowing a bit as the voices broke through the haze in his head. He shuddered nearly violently, sitting up quickly. He was cold, so very cold, his skin rising on goosebumps and-- his skin.

There was not a scale to be seen, and Kili stared at his own arm in muted amazement before his gaze flickered down and... those certainly were legs.

For a moment he mourned the loss of his fin, finding that moving the legs was actually a hard task in itself. The muscles refused to move, no matter how he tried to use them. His gaze flickered over to the woman, fear and confusion clear in his eyes.

“You poor boy,” Lady Montiley touched her lips with gloved fingers, eyes wide in concern. She didn't seem to care for the state of his dress, but for the small cuts on his arms and body. She touched his shoulder gently. “Just what happened to you?”

Kili flinched at the sudden touch, wrapping his arms around his own body. His lips parted like he was about to speak, but all that came out was a quiet whimper, a noise mixed of a keen and fear.

“I think you've frightened him a bit, my Lady.” Ian said, kneeling by her side. His face was familiar, clean. Hair white and short, and almost completely recognizable without his beard. He gave Kili a small wink. “Ship wrecked, possibly. Windswept, and his hair is matted with salt.”

“Goodness,” the Lady gasped. “Give him your jacket, Ian. He must be so cold.”

So Ian shrugged out of it carefully, and brought it around the young man's shoulder.

“Can you stand at all, my dear?” Lady Montiley asked.

Kili turned his head at the unfamiliar touch of fabric against his skin, curiously plucking and running his fingers over the surface.

Stand.

That meant... getting up, most likely. But how?

He frowned down at his leg, using his arms in effort to push himself up yet the moment he got his feet underneath him, he crashed back down on the sand.

“He must be hurt,” Lady Montiley said, moving to his other side to hold his arm and help him stand. She felt him flinch slightly from her touch. “I'm sorry, my dear. But you must let me help you.”

“Come on, my boy.” Ian said then, placing an arm around his waist. He helped heave him up. “We're a bit too old to carry. Lean on me now, that's it...”

Kili's legs were like wet noodles, refusing to hold his weight alone even for a second. There was a determined glint in his eyes as he forced himself to move with the peoples help, each step paining him as the new muscles were being used.

“There you go, you got it...” Ian praised with a light, amused laugh. “One foot in front of the other.”

“Don't laugh at him, Ian.” Lady Montiley said with a frown as she held onto Kili's other arm. “You're all right, my dear. The carriage is just down this way. We'll get you to a doctor.”

“Not the one on the docks, I hope?” Ian said with a grunt, adjusting his hold on the boy as he pushed himself to stay standing. “The boy's utterly exhausted, my lady. And his poor legs. Perhaps your personal physician?”

“You're right, my darling. The estate is much closer.” She said with a nod. “You got it my dear, just a bit further.”

Kili's gaze flicked from the two persons to another, trying to understand what they were talking about. Yet they didn't seem hostile, so Kili let himself be lead towards the large mansion residing near the cliffs.

It was a struggle to get up the stairs but with some help he managed, and was more than thankful to be guided to sit and some blankets were wrapped around his body.

All the time while he was being checked, his gaze flew from one place to the next in mere seconds. The humans lived... in big houses. Bigger than any cave he had seen before. There were many objects he didn't recognize, many scents and sounds that piped up his curiosity.

The physician was a stout bespectacled man with a bar mustache. He was as thorough as he could be without Kili flinching or baring his teeth which was met with quirked brows. With some calming insistence and soothing words from Lady Montiley, the boy sat still long enough to be checked, his gaze drawn from to the different objects within the drawing room.

The startled jump at having his heart listened to, the cold end of the stethoscope like ice, wasn't met with much surprise other than Ian's amused smile.

“He seems fine, save for a few cuts.” The physician said after a moment, pulling off his gloves and putting them in his medical bag. “Physically, anyhow.” He poked at Kili's legs, and checked for reactions, which were met with movements and uncomfortable squeaks or flinches.

“All right, young man.” The doctor addressed Kili. When the young man didn't look at him, but was distracted by the dancing light off of one of Lady Montiley's knick-knacks, the doctor waved a hand in front of his eyes and whistled.

“My boy,” He said, finally drawing Kili's gaze. “What is your name?”

Kili blinked, turning his gaze back on the man before him. His... his.... what? A look of confusion crossed his face, head tilting to the side ever so slightly. He recalled hearing the words somewhere, but--

Oh, right.

With Fili. When he had pointed at him and asked for his name.

"Kili."

“Kili...?” The physician rotated his hand as if wanting Kili to go on. At the young man's confusion, he sighed. “Your last name, my boy. A house name, if you have one?”

Kili just stared at the man confused, not sure what he wanted.

“Hm,” the doctor frowned slightly. “He might be a little confused. Or simple. Let's try this: where are you from, and do you have any idea where you are now?”

Again, Kili just stared at the man, head slightly tilted to the side. It was obvious the man was asking him something, but he could not answer. Instead he shrugged.

“It appears he might have lost some memories,” The doctor said finally. “It isn't uncommon for ship wrecked sailors to become confused or lost. But he seems to also have a lack of any other knowledge. Or perhaps he does not speak the King's Language? But, his physical health is in tact. The feeling in his legs should soon follow, and hopefully soon, his memories.”

“The poor dear,” Lady Montiley said, looking at Kili with pity. “He is so young. Perhaps he is an officer? I have a nephew in the navy, maybe we can find the boy's papers? He must have family...”

“It is a possibility,” Ian said. “But for now, perhaps, he should be cared for. You can't write your nephew a letter with only a single name. My Lady, you would not turn him out, I imagine?”

“Goodness no!” She said. “Poor health, and so lost. I would feel dreadful.”

And so Kili was taken in in the mansion.

He could not move much, but with the help of a servant he would walk daily around the room he stayed in, trying to regain strength in his legs. His walking reminded more of a baby taking its first steps.

Walking was not the only thing confusing him.

The food did too. There was so much of it, and everything tasted completely different. There were food he liked, like fish or other seafood, but he absolutely despised the taste of cheese.

Kili was a spectacle himself in the Montiley Estate. Lady Montiley held her functions as such, and did not exclude the young man from anything. Nobles spoke in hushed whispers about who they assumed was a simple boy who confused his forks and proper table manners.

Although, he was well-groomed and cared for, with his hair brushed and tied back. The Lady had tailored clothes for him. Her niece, Amelia, also spent her time with him. She read him books, and let him sit in on her singing lessons and piano, and to her utter delight, found that Kili could hum along beautifully despite not knowing the words.

It put hope in Lady Montiley's heart. Her young Amelia, and this boy who was picking up in learning. Although he didn't quite know how to speak or properly walk yet, she looked forward to the day he could. Perhaps she would have them learn ballroom together.


	5. Chapter 5

Days passed, and Kili was starting to grow attached to these people. They were kind and understanding, not forcing him into anything that could cause him harm or make him feel uncomfortable.

His heart sung at the knowledge that there indeed existed more people like Fili.

But something was wrong the next night he woke up. Mostly because the reason of his awakening was the screams echoing in the house.

He stood up carefully, using the wall to push himself towards the door, peeking outside carefully.

There were men in the estate Kili likely didn't recognize. They looked nothing like the smiling faces of the mansion's help. They were heavyset, tattooed and fierce. Their faces unkind, and even more sinister looking under the candle lighting of the halls.

The smell of smoke and blood was distinct, and there was shouting. Voices, gruff and commanding. Rooms were being searched, things broken or taken. There was a high pitched scream, and suddenly silence and a heavy thud.

Kili nearly threw up as the smell of blood reached his nose, and he slammed the door shut. Something was happening, something bad. He pressed his back against the wall, gaze flying around the room before he limped over to the bed, sliding underneath it.

The door was thrown open with a loud slam and a crack, the hinges loosened from the force of it. The footfalls were thunderous. Boots trailed blood and caked in dirt. The voices were gruff, the handling violent.

Something delicate broke. A little trinket of a dancer twirling in a music box made from thin porcelain in glass.

“Don't pocket that,” said one of the men. “Take nothing else, we have one job, and one job only.”

“I'll take what I like,” said the other man. “This job don't pay none, none of our jobs pay none. Captain be mad if he think I'm gonna let by takin' a few o these knacks. Make a pretty penny up at the next port-- ackckk--”

“Drop it,” came a growl as the man was lifted by the neck by the first. “Or I'll see your head lopped and body fed to the sharks. Find the boy. Take nothing else.”

The trinket was dropped then, a little jeweled egg. It rolled under the bed, coming to a slow stop right near Kili's face.

Kili stared at the egg for a long moment before reaching out, taking it in his hands carefully. He blew on it gently, pocketing it carefully, his gaze following the sight of the boots.

They were searching for a boy.

That he understood.

And he feared that the boy was him.

The search felt long, closets thrown open, bathroom torn apart. The wardrobe was even tipped over, paintings ripped off walls to look for secret passages.

“Empty, Dwalin.” said one of the other men, dropping something heavy he was holding.

“Have we checked every wing?” The large man, Dwalin, growled out. “Every door?”

“Aye, sir.” Said the man.

“Tipped every desk and bed we did,” the man that tried to pocket even more things said. “Even checked under the old lady after she a-stopped movin'.”

He laughed dumbly. One of the men hit him to shut him up.

There was silence then, and a slow walk to the edge of Kili's mattress.

“Haven't tipped every bed,” said Dwalin. With a great heave and a crash of cracking wood, the man flipped the frame with a violent motion.

Kili flinched as the bed was suddenly tripped over like it weighed nothing, his eyes wide as he stared at the men. Large, everyone were so very large and looked like people he didn't want to spend time with.

Their aura was violent, dark, making Kili shudder as he kicked himself further away from the men.

Dwalin was the one who seized him, hauling him up painfully by the forearm. Finding either the boy refused to stand or couldn't, he practically hauled him up over his shoulder, not wincing as he thrashed and cried out protests in the few words he knew.

“Get the rest of the men,” Dwalin growled out. “Head for the docks. How many dead?”

“Most of the house staff,” said one of the men. “Don't know about the Montileys. The old woman fainted.”

Dwalin grunted as he muscled his way down the hall, his men in his wake. “Leave em', the Captain said to make this a clean escape-- blooming _hell/_.”

“Kili!” that was the high voice of Amelia Montiley. One other man had pulled her from her hiding spot, a sword held to her neck. “What are you doing? Let him go-- let me go!”

“Found this one snooping behind the closets,” growled out one. “What do I do with her?”

“Nothing,” Dwalin said after a moment. “Leave the child be. We had one job, it's done. Put the bloody sword down, Retch, or I'll cut you here.”

Kili's eyes were wide as he stared at Amelia, hitting the man's back harder. 

He let out a hiss, sinking his teeth on the man's shoulder, sharp teeth easily piercing the flesh. He was not to be killed, or skinned, or poked around and sold for money. Not if he had any say to it.

Dwalin swore as he was bitten, but he had thick enough skin, despite the blood being drawn. There was strength in those hits from his fists, and Kili's jaw locked down on him like tiger shark to prey.

Amelia was struggling, trying to pull from the grip, but she was practically man handled into a closet, the door shut on her and blocked with a curtain pole.

“We don't have time for this,” Dwalin grit out. “What are you lot just standin' around for?!”

So one of the men drew a sword, and hit Kili hard with the hilt, knocking him cold.

*

It was cloudy this day, the overcast thick and the clouds growing dark and fat with the promise of oncoming rain water. The wind was strong, and the sea a little rough, but it did nothing to slow down the sleek vessel. Dark in wood, masts creaking under the force of the trade winds, billowing out dark sails.

She didn't sail a flag. For a ship like this, she didn't have to. Never had to, but Fili knew her when he saw her, and when she came that night, Fili knew to worry. He hadn't seen The Martyr since she first set sail almost fifteen years ago, and only heard her stories from men who have had the unfortunate encounter with what used to be a merchant ship.

No, The Martyr had more blood in her history to be considered anything else now. She was a pirate ship, and she belonged to one of the most notorious and dangerous men on the waters.

Fili was, fortunate or unfortunate-- he still had yet to decide, nephew of Captain Thorin Durinson.

Fili was hailed to him, and he saw to him and The Martyr and her colorful crew. He found his uncle to be warm to him. To anyone else, that would be absurd, but Thorin was not an unkind man to those he called kin. So Fili shared a tankard with him, asked him his business in secret and found an offer with his uncle that paid very, very well.

Fili sailed before on honest ships. Honest ships that earned honest, taxed money. Thorin's colorful reputation was enough to make the skin crawl, but knowing him so personally, and to see him again brought back a fondness he held with him since childhood. Still, the trust wavered.

But Thorin promised this too, was honest work. No blood involved, or theft. Simple transport, several months at sea. A large sum at the end.

Tempting.

There was no one in town he had. His mother and father gone, fishing and living on his own, it was an offer that promised adventure-- a thrill Fili hadn't had since meeting Kili.

And Kili had disappeared a while ago, prominent in memory, but starting to feel more and more like a dream despite their time spent together.

It hurt to think on him and his little coos, his soft songs. The ethereal beauty, and the joy he gave him.

This job would provide the distraction Fili would need to move on.

So he took it, and sailed with the Martyr, his uncle and her crew. He did the jobs all required on board, and moved the cargo into the hold.

What he didn't expect to see, however, was the young man bound and held there.

The young man startled him to say the least, and Fili had nearly dropped the crate he was holding. He could see blood on his face, and matted in his hair. The ropes were tight around his wrists, leaving purple bruises.

He looked familiar. Scarily so.

Staring, Fili finally dropped the crate heavily, its contents rattling.

He approached slowly, feet feeling like lead.

This couldn't be.

“...Kili?” he asked, voice cracking.

Kili flinched at the call of his name, trying to move further away from Fili as the man approached him. 

No, he didn't want him close, he didn't want anything that had to do with the blond anymore.

All hope he had about Fili, all his thoughts about the man being different broke when he saw the blonde standing on the doorway. Fili was with the bad men. He worked with the bad men, possibly did what they had done--

He felt sick, lowering his head again as he swallowed.

He had thought he could trust Fili, thought he was special. He wished he had never changed his fin for this. He was a fool.

So he hissed, much like he had done on the boat where he first met Fili. It was a sound of warning, a threat.

Slowly the blond sank to his knees beside him, and drew his fishing knife, the small one he always carried, and he heard Kili hiss at him again, teeth bared. God, it was Kili. It had to be. Fili knew that face. Hurt, frightened. Heartbroken.

“Kili,” Fili repeated his name, holding his hands up much like he did the first time they met. “It's all right... I'll cut the ropes.”

Kili snapped his teeth at the human, and if he had his fin he would have slapped the man away from him.

As it was, he could only kick him weakly with his legs, darkened eyes glaring at the blond.

“Kili,” Fili's voice was soft. Calm, as it always was when he spoke to him. Kili looked more human than merman now, with his legs, the glow from the scales gone, only pale skin. But he knew him-- how could this be? How did Kili end up here, of all places?

On The Martyr. Especially The Martyr.

“... what happened to you?” Fili mumbled, looking over his friend's wracked, tensed body with somber eyes.

Kili just stared at him, lips pulled back exposing more of his sharp teeth as a constant low growl could be heard coming from his chest. 

"Leave."

Fili closed his mouth, the silence around them deafening, only pierced by Kili's growls. He taught Kili few words. Hello, goodbye. Sea, sand, shell, fish. Leave.

Leave.

So he would, and did.

Standing carefully, Fili pocketed the fishing knife. He left silently, sparing Kili the barest of glances. He closed the holding door, fists clenched tightly at his side.

This confused him, and angered him at most. Kili was distressed, scared, furious, sad-- caught. Held prisoner, for reasons Fili didn't know.

“Honest work,” Fili clenched his jaw.

He should have known.


	6. Chapter 6

No one would tell Fili a thing.

The Captain was a busy man, and Fili would not be to see him until he was permitted to. Which was, for the first week, never, and didn't look to change.

“Listen,” said Dwalin, Thorin's first mate, when Fili had tried again. “You were hired for a job. Nephew or not, I'm still in charge of this deck. Do your damned duties, keep to yourself. You'll get your pay.”

And Fili knew better than to argue with a bunch of pirates. Pirates, whom in turn, did nothing to cross Fili, but enough to piss him off with their toothless smiles and nasty grins. At some point their sails were changed, and a flag of a merchant vessel was hoisted as they entered Royal Waters.

A great ship larger than theirs passed. A Royal Ship, likely, with its blaring white sails that waved the King's colors.

Fili entertained thoughts of going to the cannons, and setting one off just to tip them, call them over, get this blasted ship sunk.

But he did none of that. He returned to his duties bitterly, and this time he was the one assigned to “check on the cargo” and “feed him”.

Fili brought a tray of food to the darkened hold, and lay it before the slumped form of their captive.

Kili barely lifted his head anymore. His wrists were bleeding, dark purple bruises spreading up his arms where the rope had bit in tightly. 

He was growing thin. Fili could see it. Kili didn't eat and refused to be fed, snapping at the hands of those who tried.

The blond knelt in front of him, studying his thinning form, only comforted by the short breaths he took, signs of life barely clinging.

“Kili,” Fili tried again to call his name.

The only response Fili got was a weak snarl, Kili's shoulders hunching up a bit, body curling away from the blond.

It was an expected response.

Fili shook his head. He shouldn't have expected anything different. He didn't move for a long time, watching Kili heave in longer breaths now that he was aware of his presence.

“Kili,” Fili said. “I want to help you. I don't... but I can't, if we don't...”

Kili understood much from him, he caught on to things so quickly. But he was shunning Fili now, and he couldn't understand why.

Help? That single word was nearly enough to send Kili in a hysteric fit of laughter, but what came out instead was just a quiet snort.

“You need to eat,” Fili said quietly. “You're losing strength every day you don't.” He pushed the tray forward a bit. It wasn't the best meal, but it was certainly more than most.

“Please.” Fili looked over his friend's gaunt face. “Please, let me help you.”

Kili pulled his legs up against his chest, drawing himself further from the tray. 

Stubborn. Angry still, likely letting his temper and frustration fuel his resolve.

Fili sighed, and sat fully upon the floor, crossing his legs.

“It isn't awful, you know.” He said, picking up the pulverized fish mush with his fingers. He tasted it, and made somewhat of a face. Salty, definitely, to probably drown out the flavor of poorly boiled fish. “Well, in taste maybe. But it's better than nothing.”

Kili glanced at Fili as the other tasted what smelt like could be fish, and shook his head ever so slightly. He was not being fooled again, he would not allow it.

“But you'll die...” Fili said, trailing off. He looked down at his lap.

Maybe that's what Kili wanted. It was a thought that crossed his mind once or twice. Captives sometimes would rather starve themselves to death then be condemned to whatever fate that awaited them.

Fili had no idea where they were going, ultimately, other than to a few ports to drop off and collect goods.

And Kili was part of their cargo.

Where would he go in this state? Half dead, likely worth little. He wasn't even in his creature form. Kili looked human. Like everyone else, except for his teeth.

If Kili died would he change back? Would his body be the prize?

Fili ran a hand through his hair, fisting the roots and pulling a little, brows furrowed in frustration. He had no answers. There was no point in giving himself a headache over that fact. There was nothing he could do now.

So Fili closed his eyes, and sang quietly.

If Kili wouldn't eat, he hoped to comfort him at least.

_“A brisk young sailor came courting me  
Until he gained my liberty.  
He stole my heart with free good will  
And he's got it now, but I love him still._

_There is an ale house in yonder town  
Where my love goes and he sits him down.  
He takes some strange girl on his knees  
And he tells her what he does not tell me._

_Hard grief for me and I'll tell you why,  
Because that she has more gold than I.  
her gold will waste, her beauty pass,  
And she'll come like me, a poor girl, at last._

_I wish to God that my babe was born,  
Sat smiling all on its father's knee;  
And I in my cold grave was lain  
With the green grass growing all over me._

_There is a bird all in yonder tree;  
Some say he's blind and he cannot see.  
I wish it'd been the same by me  
Before I'd gain'd my love's company._

_The greenest field it shall be my bed.  
A flow'ry pillow shall rest my head,  
The leaves which blow from tree to tree,  
They shall be the coverlets over me.” _

Kili closed his eyes for the briefest moment when Fili sung.

It had always brought him comfort, and he had felt himself get lost in the gentle tune in Fili's voice. Now though... now he wasn't so sure if Fili sung because he liked it, or because it put him under his spell.

Could humans even do that?

He turned his head a bit, eying Fili carefully.

Fili looked back at him, and saw Kili staring. He seemed cautious at best now, no longer snarling or baring his teeth. Fili shifted a little under his gaze.

“That isn't one of my better tunes,” He said. “Heard it several times at the tavern back home. Found I didn't like it, but it was stuck in my head. So I learned it, and sang it so loud and drunkenly once, got my father, who sang naught to stand and sing with me.”

Fili smiled fondly at the memory. “We both danced upon the table merrily that eve, and fell into a half eaten pie.”

He glanced up at Kili, who likely didn't understand him. Fili cleared his throat.

Kili just listened to him, not having any clue what the blond was talking about. But the tone in his voice was kind, a bit fond perhaps which made him think about his brother.

Memories? Or just calming words?

Remorse.

That's what Fili felt then, looking upon Kili. The merman, that otherworldly creature of fable and legends, who had come to him of his own volition. Free to choose, to hurt or flee-- but Kili wanted to learn. They spent a few happy times together, and Fili felt he could have taught him more.

Now he was here, almost a shadow of what he once was.

“This is a poor price to pay for curiosity,” Fili said, shoulders sagging. “And a punishment I wouldn't wish even on my enemies.” His eyes searched Kili's face. “If I can, and if you'll let me, Kili, I will help you.”

There was that word again. Help. Why did Fili play with him like this? And besides, how could the blond possibly help him against the other men? Even he saw that Fili was tiny compared to some of them.

He wanted to believe Fili. Wanted to trust that he blond had not stabbed him in the back. But he still worked in this ship, with the people who did this to him.

There was conflict in his eyes as he lowered his gaze, a tiny whine slipping from his lips.

“You don't trust me,” Fili affirmed. In Kili's position, he wouldn't trust anyone either. “I get that. But you have to... can you at least let me try? You're my friend.”

A dear one. One that would pain Fili to lose, either to death or the terrible fate that awaited Kili across the sea.

“You're my friend,” Fili repeated, voice low.

Friend. He knew that word. The people in the big house had been his friends. They had been kind and understanding and-- good people. 

His lips opened and closed few times, gaze flicking over Fili and back on the floor.

"...K...Kili's... a-afraid.."

His voice was small, raspy, unused.

It tugged Fili's heart to hear it.

“I know,” he said, swallowing thickly. Fili shifted up onto his knees, and inched a little closer. “I know, and I'm very sorry.”

He rose his hand, much like he did the first time he did when he wanted to touch Kili. Fili was slower in his movement, hesitant, fingers shaking.

Kili's lips pulled back a bit, a low rumble slipping past his lips as he stared at the hand. Yet he did not attack.

Perhaps it was the nervous look in Fili's eyes, or the way his fingers trembled. Perhaps it was the knowledge that the blond was afraid of him, but still seemed to want to... help.

Kili would likely bite him.

Fili knew this and still, he brushed his fingertips against Kili's cheek, close to his mouth that bore pointed fangs.

Kili did bite him.

Even if it was a warning nip more than a bite that would bleed.

A warning and a threat bound into one-- last chance for the blond to prove himself.

Fili flinched, but remained still as Kili sunk his teeth into his fingers, drawing blood. But he didn't hold on for long. Brief. A warning Fili understood.

He took his hand back slowly, looking at the little puncture wound as it bubbled dark red fluid. It dripped over his fingers.

That was as much of a blood oath Fili had experienced.

A promise then, and a new scar as a reminder of it.

“I'll help you,” Fili said. He stood carefully. “I promise.”


	7. Chapter 7

When Fili left, he didn't bother to clean the blood from his hands. A few of the crewmen who had dealt with Kili's mouth gave him a few sympathetic looks or even a hard pat on the shoulder. Fili put on pained, forced smiles as they guffawed and joked about him near losing his hand to a wild animal, and to be glad it was done via crew rotations so he probably wouldn't have to deal with Kili for a while.

That was when Fili volunteered to keep feeding him.

Dwalin seemed a little suspicious of the sudden enthusiasm Fili showed to want to do the job. But the rest of the insistence from the crew and the sudden increase in morale to get the harder jobs on deck done, Dwalin eventually relented to Fili's request to do the one thing no one wanted to do.

After all, he did have first hand experience with that tiger shark jaw of his. Dwalin was the last person on rotation, but it benefited him more if he, and no one else but one unfortunate soul, didn't have to be.

So Fili began to bring the food every day. As usual he would taste it, and it would be the same poorly prepared fish paste, this time flavored with some other spice and loaded with salt. Kili was still reluctant to eat, and seemed to become more and more tired as the days passed.

Fili would continue to sing to him. Shanties of the sea, working songs and the like. But softer tunes to ease some of the suffering, and possibly any boredom that settled.

Fili's singing would be the only thing easing his pain, but he was starting to grow tired to listen to that too. They lulled him, his eyes closing as he released a shaky breath.

Kili grew almost gaunt, darkness under his eyes. He did little but acknowledge Fili once, or sometimes not at all, closing his eyes and drifting, breath shallow.

It worried Fili greatly, and there was little he could do for him.

But as he promised, he did try. It was the first thing Fili brought to Thorin's attention when he was able to speak to him in his cabin.

Thorin himself was always busy at the desk in his quarters, checking maps and writing. Always writing, almost obsessively. He would go through books, and mark their pages with ink, his dark brows always furrowed, mouth set in a thin line. Upon looking at Fili, his expression would soften, but only slightly.

“He's sick,” was the only thing Fili said. He didn't want the formalities, the inevitable offered drink. He wanted to keep his voice even, to do this calmly.

“Whom?” Thorin inquired. He looked back down at his piles of scrolls, seeming disinterested.

“The man in the hold,” Fili said, and his uncle paused for a moment, but said nothing. Fili squared his shoulders and went on. “He doesn't eat. He's thin and... I think he's dying.”

“And that is a problem?” Thorin asked, as if Fili had said something else entirely.

The blond grit his teeth behind his lips, but bit back the things he wanted to say. Wanted to ask and demand Thorin answer to. But he had to stay calm. Becoming irrational now wouldn't help Kili.

“I thought he was cargo,” Fili said carefully. “Rather, I heard the men say he was. That he's to be delivered.”

“That's correct,” Thorin said. “He's a prisoner. A wanted man, as far as I am concerned. A bounty.”

Bounty? For Kili?

Fili worried his lip. That didn't seem right.

“It isn't strange. Wanted men turning in wanted men,” Thorin said, finally placing his quill down. He leaned forward over his desk, folding his hands. “Everyone is out for themselves on these waters. That's how favors are earned and how this ship continues to sail.”

“What if your bounty dies?” Fili said then. “What is the reward of turning in a dead man to the royal prison?”

“Depending on the king's whim, doubled.” Thorin said. “You seem passionate about this, however. Why?”

Fili's heart hammered in his chest.

He's my friend. My friend, and I won't see him hurt.

“You said there would be no blood,” Fili said then, swallowing the lump forming in his throat. “Only honest work.”

“Cargo delivery is honest work,” Thorin pointed out. “Whether that cargo is alive or not. Tell me, nephew, why do you care?”

“I...” Fili could only stare at the floor. This was his last chance, he had to help somehow, in any way.

“I know him.” he said finally. “I know him...”

Silence. Deafening, and nerve wracking.

So Fili continued.

“I know him,” He repeated. “We knew each other back at the ports. We shared ale, and stories. Worked together. I knew him as a good man. I... if you're going to turn him in, I understand. But Thorin-- as my uncle, as my mother's brother, as kin-- I'm asking. Please, let me see him well before he's to be imprisoned.”

This was his last chip on the bargaining table. Fili hoped Thorin would take it, and prayed silently that he would.

It was a long moment before Thorin spoke.

“We dock tomorrow night at Port Exodus,” He said, and Fili looked up. Thorin was back to writing, pouring over his scrolls. “We're due to stay there until another transport vessel arrives with new crates. It could be a few days, weeks, or even a month. I can grant you this favor, only because you are my kin. I will put him under your care.”

Fili blinked rapidly, and looked up at him, bewildered. He opened his mouth to thank him, but Thorin wasn't finished.

“Exodus is a small island,” Thorin said. “Small, and with very few hiding places. It's a port of cutthroats, murderers, and thieves.” He glanced up at Fili from beneath his lashes, eyes hard. “There is not a single place where I do not have eyes or ears. My sister's spawn or not, nephew I will not hesitate to cut you down myself if I get even an inkling you wish to vanish with him. Is this understood?”

Fili closed his mouth, and managed a nod. It was a clear threat, but this was better than nothing.

“Go to him then,” Thorin said, dipping his quill into an ink pot. “And send Dwalin to me. The men will be informed.”

Fili nodded again, and did not dare speak. He left, feeling his uncle's hard stare boring into his back.

*

They docked the next morning. Kili knew it even before he was being fetched from the room. He had to be mostly carried as his legs refused to move, and for a moment he was sure this would be it. 

He would be sold, or killed, it would be either.

What he hadn't expected was for the ropes to be cut off, blood rushing to his mangled hands and making them burn painful enough to make him whimper weakly. 

And he was placed in a room. Granted, not as large as the room he had had in the mansion, but it was still a room. Not a prison.

A doctor was brought to him, someone Thorin apparently knew personally. He was an old man who simply went by “Oin”. He was the older brother of one of the Martyr's ship hands. He was hard of hearing, and needed an ear horn to even get the gist of what anyone was telling him.

But he was good at what he did. He saw to Kili's every injury, and was careful with his bruised hands, rubbing a minty oil into the skin before wrapping it in medicated bandages. He had herbs prepared, crushed until the juice from the plant could be put onto a table spoon, which Oin had dripped into his parted mouth as Kili rested.

“Give him that every hour,” Oin instructed Fili. “I will be back in the morning to give you a new medicine to bring back hunger. He is not to leave this bed.”

With that, he left, and Fili was left alone in this room with Kili.

He could hear the patrons of the inn's bar thinly through the walls and the floor, the loud fights, shouts and merry songs.

Fili sat on a rickety chair that had been repaired one too many times, leaning over and resting his arms on Kili's mattress, feeling strangely exhausted. He pressed his forehead against his arms, troubled.

*

When Kili awoke again, a full day had passed. His arms ached and he felt weak, and he lifted his hands carefully. They were bandaged, the fabric itching and irritating the skin but he did his best to let them be.

Fili shifted when he felt the mattress move. He blinked rapidly, closing his eyes tight before opening them again as they adjusted. He always fell asleep here, by Kili's side. In the same chair, leaning against the mattress.

His back ached, as did his legs, but they bothered him little when he saw that Kili was awake.

“Kili,” Fili said his name, seeing that his friend was gazing out the window, towards the shipyard.

Kili's gaze flickered over to Fili, and he offered a tiny smile in response, a sign that he had heard the blond.

Fili smiled in turn, the relief obvious on his face. He reached out instinctively, gently touching Kili's fingers with his.

“Thank god,” he said. Kili was sitting up, some of his strength was returning. “I'm glad you're awake. I thought... for a while, I thought...”

Kili tilted his head slightly, staring down at their joined hands. The touch was still warm, even if he didn't have his scales anymore. Perhaps Fili was just warm in general.

“Kili,” he said. “How... do you feel?”

Feel.

Kili's eyebrows furrowed and he stared at their hands, trying to come up with some kind of form to respond.

"...Kili wants home."

Home. He wanted to go home.

So did Fili. This entire ordeal made him ache for the dock in that little town. The smiling faces of the patrons at the old tavern, the stories, the warm fire. He missed the pier, the clear nights, rowing out his little boat. A quiet sandy beach, and the stars above.

He missed star gazing with Kili. Singing him happier songs, and the soft hums as he tried to learn Fili's language and mannerisms, the curiosity in his wide eyes. And at the end of the night, Kili would disappear to the comfort of the ocean's depths, and return again when Fili would.

“Home,” Fili said quietly. “I would take you there, if I could.”

He looked over Kili's form, brows furrowed slightly in thought.

“But how did you get this way...?” Fili asked. “How are you human...?”

Kili lowered his gaze a bit, understanding some of Fili's question. He could read it from his body language, the tone of his voice. He reached for his pocket, pulling out the pearl.

"Gandalf." He replied quietly. "Gandalf. Uhmm...." He waved his fingers a bit. "Magic..? Magic."

“Gandalf?” Fili repeated. Was it a name or an object? He frowned, staring down at the small pearl in Kili's hand. 

Magic was a word he understood. Believed in, he wasn't so sure, but Kili was a magic all his own. Mermaids to magic, to this mad scheme. It was like a grand tale Fili would hear over ale at home.

“This... Gandalf made you human?” Fili asked then. “But... but why?”

Thorin said Kili was a wanted man. A bounty head. Fili hadn't seen Kili for a number of days, he figured the siren might have moved on, but all along he walked among them. He couldn't imagine Kili purposely trying to hurt anybody.

"Want..." Kili frowned again, trying to find the right words to explain Fili what he wanted. "Good people. Kili want good people, Fili people."

Kili wanted people. Good people.

People that were Fili, or more like him. Kind souls.

“Oh, Kili...” Fili sighed heavily.

The siren was curious, he wanted to know, to see, to find more. Of course, as cruel and misunderstanding as the world was, Kili would be unfortunate to find the nastiest sides of humanity.

“Did you find any? Did Kili get... good people?” Fili asked.

Kili nodded his head.

"Amelia. Good. Kind. Young." He licked his lips, frowning a bit. "Give Kili shelter. Home." 

He shook his head a bit. "Bad men. Hurt good people."

Fili knew an Amelia. Of her, anyhow. The young girl who walked with the Baroness to the docks for market exchanges. He couldn't recall her face, only long red hair and a laced parasol she held in her hands.

“I'm sorry, Kili.” Fili said quietly. If the Martyr's crew had hurt her, he dread to think of her fate.

Kili shrugged his shoulders in response, going quiet. There was nothing he could do about it now.

Fili pursed his lips slightly.

“They told me you did something bad,” Fili said then. “They told me you did bad things. Did...” he trailed off, trying to word this slowly so he understood. “Did Kili do bad?”

Kili looked at the blond confused, shaking his head. "Kili no bad. Kili barely walk. Bad men search Kili, want something."

Fili nodded. He believed him, knew in his heart that Kili wouldn't hurt anyone or do anything harmful on purpose. More so, since Kili could barely make use of his new legs.

No one could trust a pirate, kin or no. Fili knew he couldn't rely on Thorin's words. He was hiding something.

Just what would Thorin possibly want from him? And where in the world were they going?

“Kili,” Fili lowered his voice. “This... Gandalf. If we find him, can he... can he change Kili back? Can he change you back into a merman?”

Kili looked confused, shrugging his shoulders again. "Kili don't know. Gandalf... equal sacrifice... give legs."

Sacrifice?

It confused Fili a little. He thought magic was a wave of a stick and smoke and funnily said words. Kili had to give something up for this misery?

But they could try. They had to try.

“I feel like I did this to you,” Fili muttered. “That I'm the reason you're here, and you're hurt...” he laced their fingers carefully, and held Kili's hand.

“Let me help you,” He said. “Let me find Gandalf.”

If it came down to it, Fili would pay whatever price he had to to save his friend.

It would be dangerous. Fili knew it was going to be. Escaping Exodus would be one of many steps. He counted on time they might not have.


	8. Chapter 8

True to Thorin's word, the vessel carrying whatever it was the Martyr was supposed to take took it's time in arriving. Letters were exchanged, and in the mean time the crew got comfortable on this island of criminals.

Fili was too aware of the eyes, and how thin the walls actually were. He was careful when he spoke to Kili, and fed him his medicines.

The first step was to get Kili better. To get him eating, regaining his strength. To get him walking.

For now, it was food and learning.

It took some bartering and searching, but soon Fili found books. Most of them were children's books, or outdated atlases. Anything with words and places, it was enough to keep Kili's mind learning and themselves busy.

With the help of the book and Fili's patience to help, Kili started learning more words, more ways to express himself. He could name some of the objects and what he felt like at the moment, even if he continued to speak about himself in the third person.

He had troubled to learn how to walk, and even if he grew stronger with the medication and some of the food he managed to get down, his steps still resembled a lot of an animal trying to walk for the first time.

Fili was patient in that as well. It was like teaching a toddler his first steps. He held Kili's hands in his, and gently guided him as best as he could, to simply walk around in this little room. A lap or two, around the small space, to build the strength they needed.

Atlases revealed the Exodus islands as part of a larger chain of uninhabited jungle terrain, and from where Fili could see on the maps, they could technically sail from the southern most part of the main, and head for the mainland.

There, they could figure it out, hopefully. And running would be easier if Kili actually could.

“One leg in front of the other,” Fili said softly, stepping back slowly. He had taken off his boots for this, not wanting to step on Kili's bare toes. “You got it.”

Kili bit his lip in concentration, taking one step, then another. It felt like walking on thin ice, each step wobbling slightly like he was about to crash on the floor at any given moment.

"Hard."

“Everything new is,” Fili agreed, smiling. Kili's legs shook a little from the exertion, but he was trying. “Helps if you step nice and flat, like this...” he showed Kili, heel down first, as Kili had this habit of stepping with his toes, much like a baby deer.

Kili eyed Fili's legs curiously, trying to mimic the way he step but only ended up tripping and landing on the carpet once again.

Chuckling, Fili shook his head and bit back his amusement. The way Kili crumpled on himself was strangely endearing.

He cleared his throat, and helped Kili stand again, his friend obviously frustrated and tired, putting little effort.

Fili let Kili lean against him, Fili hands on Kili's waist to keep him steady.

“I'm sorry, my friend.” Fili said, smiling apologetically.

Kili shook his head and only sighed quietly, giving him a tiny smile in return before trying again.

His steps were tiny, slow, but by the end of the day he had managed to develop some kind of sense of balance.

Progress.

“At last,” Fili sighed, relieved. He brought Kili back to bed after that, letting him sit on the mattress. He practically beamed at Kili. “You did good. Very good.”

Good. Kili smiled at the words, nodding his head eagerly. That had been good, had gone well. There was still a lot to learn but at least he stayed up now.

Balance was a good first step, and Kili getting use to the gravity above the surface. Fili hoped this would keep up, and if they kept at it, he could start to move on his own.

As Kili nodded, some of the hair fell forward onto his face, and Fili found himself wanting to brush it away. He tucked a lock behind Kili's ear, touch almost automatic.

Kili blinked turning his head at the touch, Fili's fingers a gentle pressure against his skin. He turned to look at Fili, peering at him curiously.

Fili licked his lips out of habit as he gently moved Kili's hair from his face, brushing the bangs from his eyes. He touched Kili's cheek gently with the back of his fingers, a slow caress as he played with the ends of his hair.

Kili only peered at him curiously, and Fili could only smile.

“You didn't bite me,” he said.

No, he hadn't even snarled nor hissed at Fili because of the touch. It left him feel a bit confused, not sure _why_ he hadn't done any of that. It was like... like he trusted Fili.

Fili traced Kili's skin with his fingertips, thumb brushing over his lips, much like the first time they met up close. Kili felt different, a little cold still to the touch, but warmer, likely now that he had human blood rather than the cold blood of a fish.

He felt softer, certainly.

Fili's touch felt different too. It felt softer, warmer, and it made his skin tingle under Fili's fingers. His lips parted at the touch, and just like the first time he gently nipped on the finger.

Kili's face was serene, and for a moment Fili could have sworn he saw that familiar glimmer in his glazed eyes, that unearthly glow that entranced the blond during their first encounter. Fili saw a reflection of the beauty he admired so, and something in his heart grew warmer.

Cheeks growing a little hot, Fili moved his hand away, and he cleared his throat.

“I, um...” he rubbed the back of his neck, trying not to seem nervous. “Do you want to keep trying? Or do you want to rest?”

Kili smiled as the blond pulled away, nodding his head a bit as he pushed himself up from the bed once again. His movements were slow, but he held his balance this time as he walked around the room.

It got easier as the days passed, and Fili kept to his duty of caring for Kili.

He updated his uncle on his progress as per request. Fili mentioned little of Kili's walking, only that the color had returned to him. Oin brought new medicines, and checked Kili's injuries. Fili was certain the old man was giving Thorin a slightly more detailed report, but the Captain never asked for anything too descriptive.

Days had gone by with no sign of the ship, and the Martyr continued to stay docked. The crewmen were growing restless, and the tensions were rising under it, but they did their duties. Complaining loudly, of course, until Dwalin kicked their hides and gave them grueling jobs to keep their mouths shut. 

“If you can bitch this hard you can work even harder,” He had said, cracking his knuckles.

Fili kept to his own, said little, and nothing if he didn't have to. He spent most of his time with Kili at the room in the inn, continuing to quietly teach him to speak.

He spent some of his time in tavern below, listening to the drunken spills of dangerous men. Fili needed to learn more about where they were, what they could do. He nicked several coin purses under the noses of careless thugs, and used that same coin to pay for stories, and left when the night had gone on too long.

On their second week on Exodus, Fili had his plan.

*

“Kili,” Fili said after they had finished another walking exercise. It was late again, and the night seemed especially dark. “... do you think you're ready to leave?”

Kili looked at Fili surprised, not having expected those words. Leave, tonight? Did Fili mean they had chance to leave safely, or would they have to sneak out? Probably the latter. But Fili... he would risk a lot trying to get him back to Gandalf.

"You sure you help Kili? You can hurt." Kili replied quietly, eying the blond carefully.

“I know,” Fili said. “I know that very well.”

His uncle's threat was still fresh in his mind. But no one had stopped him yet, or accused him of anything. Fili probably assumed too much if he thought this would be any way safe.

“But I promised,” He went on to say, taking Kili's hand. “I promised that I would try.”

And if he died tonight, well, at least he can say he died trying to do something right.

Fili squeezed Kili's fingers.

Kili stared at their hands for a moment, giving Fili's a small squeeze. They could either be free together, or die together. Either way he would be with Fili.

So he nodded.

"Kili's ready."

Fili nodded in turn, and his heart hammered with the growing anxiousness in his gut. He stood from his spot and went to one of the broken nearby wardrobes, and extracted the cloaks he hid there prior, and a walking stick.

He wrapped Kili up first, and gave him the stick.

“You aren't very good at walking yet,” Fili said. “Lean on that, and that should help. When I bring you downstairs, you have to...” he was probably speaking too quickly, so Fili slowed down, letting out a long breath.

He helped Kili out of bed, letting him stand so Fili can properly clasp his cloak.

“This will be hard,” Fili said. “Keep this...” he pulled the hood up over Kili's hair, adjusting it so it hid his eyes. “Keep this up. Never take it off, unless I tell you. Okay?”

Fili had to be careful, and as crafty as he could be. He was an honest man on an island of thieves, and his idea had only stretched so far.

But if the atlases had been accurate, at the farthest end of the chain there was a village, several miles and leagues of water between the head of Exodus. They could get some kind of transportation from there. With the coin he stole, perhaps he could pay for silence.

Fili set to work, emptying the purses and their contents onto a nearby table. He pocketed the gold, and considered a silver ring, but shook his head. The money was all they needed, the personal effects he could be rid of. He placed the coins into a different leather pouch, and tied it tightly onto his belt, tucking it into the loose seam of his trousers to keep it hidden.

With the empty purses in hand, Fili turned to face Kili.

He didn't think on his next action, but only felt that it would comfort them both. Fili stepped close, and pressed his lips to Kili's forehead.

Kili blinked in surprise as Fili's lips brushed against his forehead, and there was confusion etched in his eyes as he stared at the blond. For good luck? Most likely. The blond's movements were nervous after all, and he could feel it radiate from his friend.

Feeling like he should return he favor, Kili's own lips brushed against Fili's forehead before he glanced at him nearly shyly, as if asking if what he did was alright.

Fili smiled slowly at him, and squeezed Kili's shoulder.

It made him feel a little braver, strangely.

“Come on,” he said softly, and guided Kili towards the door.

Kili leaned heavily against the cane as he followed after Fili, being as quiet as he could. His steps were a bit wobbly but resembled a normal walk-style close enough to not attract too much attention.

Fili instructed Kili to sit in a shadowed corner and to hold tightly to his walking stick. He gave him another squeeze to his shoulder, a promise that he would be back to fetch him.

Carefully and as nonchalantly as he could, Fili moved about the busy tavern. Some of the Martyr crewmen were about, drinking heavily and heckling the barmaids as they brought mugs of ale and wooden platters of fish and fruit to the tables.

It was loud and busy, as always. Smelling heavily of smoke, dirt and sea air, loudly sang and drunken shanties of the open ocean, many of them lewd.

Fili made his rounds, passing the tables, greeting the patrons he had spoken to and stolen from. Without much notice, Fili left the empty coin purses on their tables, slipped under plates or placed with piles of gambled gold.

Fili placed the silver ring he found on another table. A little green gem, a locket of a woman, and a wooden figure he found on different tables.

He moved off to the side to wait for the inevitable chaos.

He wasn't disappointed. The angered shout over the discovery of their empty coin purse, a particularly large sailor punched his table-mate hard enough to hear his jaw crack. More outraged cries and accusations of thievery followed, and soon enough the violence erupted.

Fili returned to Kili quickly, and helped him stand.

“This way,” Fili said, ducking them both as a plate was thrown in their direction, food splattering against the wooden walls. He jerked his head towards the direction of the back of the bar.

Kili stumbled around a fallen chair, his gaze flicking around and he flinched as someone landed on the floor beside him, his face bloodied.

He let himself be lead to the back of the bar where a tiny hatch where the food was brought for the inn resided, and glanced at Fili hesitantly.

“It's okay,” Fili said, wincing a little as a knife flew over their head and hit a beam with a dull thud and a spring. He let out a breath, and undid the latch, flipping the top open. He moved down the steps first, taking Kili's hand to help him down.

Kili followed as quickly as he could, following Fili's steps holding on to his hand tightly. He didn't wish to trip and fall and wake attention towards them.

Once inside, Fili grabbed the lit lantern hanging on the side of the short ladder, pulling the wooden panel closed above them.

He looked around the small store, feeling his heart beat ever louder in his ears. Fili grabbed a cloak hanging by the storage door, and pulled it on, the material heavy and musty and smelling of stale rain water.

Licking his lips out of habit, Fili undid the latch, and lead Kili out onto the muddy streets.

Kili followed him closely, leaning on the cane heavily. The rain made him blink, and for a moment he stopped turning his head towards the sky. A feel of nostalgia washed over him, drawing a quiet sound from his lips.

He missed water, he missed it so much.

“Ki...?” Fili paused at the noise, glancing at his friend as he let the rain water wash over his face. Kili looked sorrowful, and it made Fili's own heart ache.

He moved close to Kili's side, and gently touched his shoulder.

Kili closed his eyes for a moment, lips parting, letting the water slide in his mouth. He hoped they could make it. He needed them to make it.

His shoulders slumped and he turned to look at Fili. "Hurry."

For a moment, Fili could only look into Kili's mournful eyes, and opened his mouth to say more. To comfort him.

But words would be useless, and more so if they were caught now.

So Fili nodded his head.

“Stay close to me,” he said. “This way.”

Looking about the muddied road, Fili started to lead them.

*

A little ways away, in a darkened room at the top of the inn, Thorin watched them with unreadable eyes.

“You knew they would run,” Dwalin said, standing near his Captain's side. His arms were crossed, expression a little grim.

“Aye,” Thorin busied his fingers with a pipe, tracing intricate carvings. He blew smoke through his nose.

Dwalin looked on at him, lips thin, as if he had been fighting to say something. But Thorin knew what he wanted to say, and closed his eyes, permitting it anyway.

“You don't have to do this,” Dwalin said. “We have a good life on the Martyr. We sail well, we have for years. Haven't we spilled enough blood over this madness?”

“It's just an animal,” Thorin said in a hushed tone.

“I'm not just talking about that creature,” Dwalin said, shifting in his spot. “I meant what you-- what _we_ did. I was an officer before this- you were a man of conscience.”

Thorin took in a little more smoke, eyes not leaving the dark figures on the street, hurrying and hobbling on shaken legs.

“Give them a head start,” He said then. “Let them think they've had this small victory.”

“Thorin,” Dwalin frowned.

“Let them run a while,” Thorin went on. “I need the blood warm.”

“Thorin.”

“That's an order, Dwalin.” He said, turning darkened eyes on him.

There was nothing more to be said. Dwalin nodded stiffly, and left his Captain be.


	9. Chapter 9

Kili stumbled after Fili, the rain feeling refreshing on his skin. The clothes stuck on his skin, but he still pushed forward, letting himself be lead through the many roads and small paths and for a moment the only sound was their labored breathing and their steps in the dark.

Until he could hear someone shout something that reminded him of a command, and he froze.

He spun around, peering where they had come from, straining to hear better. What he could hear made his blood run cold. "Fili, bad men." Kili hissed clutching his hand tightly.

Fili let out a shaky breath, water hitting them hard as the rain began to pick up. He heard thunder rolling in the distance.

He glanced around the open muddy road, feeling exposed wit hthe lantern in his hand. Fili turned the nob down and shut it off, tossing it to the side.

“We're dead out here,” Fili said, and tugged Kili towards the brush of the woods. “Come on, quickly.”

Kili swallowed before following Fili, ducking underneath the low branches as they walked in the forest. 

If things were different, he would have liked to explore around the area more, awed by the tall trees and slippery ground. But as it was, he had to keep up with Fili, slipping slightly.

Vines, wild jungle flowers and the distinct clicks and cries of animals unseen. They made Fili more and more nervous. His hands shook, and would have shook harder if Kili weren't holding on so tightly.

He lead Kili down small slopes, slippery rocks and curved roots of great trees with colorful barks that looked shadowy in the night, flashing blue under the sparks of lightning followed by the loud rumble of the storm.

It would be harder for their pursuers to come through here. Fili couldn't hear anything but his heavy breathing, the rain, and Kili panting a little beside him. This had been the longest Kili had ever walked, his leg muscles must have strained considerably.

But they had to keep moving.

It was a while and deeper in still until Fili found what looked to be an abandoned shack. It wasn't the best shelter, but it was certainly better than nothing at all. He brought Kili through, and looked for the driest spots. Both shivered from the cold and the wetness, yet Kili seemed right at home in the rain.

“We can stay here for now,” Fili said, teeth chattering. He sat upon the ground, back leaning against the wood wall of the shack. He rubbed his soaked arms, and lowered his hood, shaking out the water from his hair.

Kili shuddered as he followed Fili to the shack, mirroring the motion and pushed the hood from his head. The curls were sticking on his face and his cheeks were flushed from the cold, but there was certain brightness in his eyes despite the nervousness.

He lifted his hand, watching the water slide down his skin curiously.

It was likely going to rain heavily for a while. The thunder rumbled again, followed by a double flash of lightning, illuminating the walls briefly. Fili saw a shine of animal eyes in the trees, but the wildlife made no move to disturb them.

“We'll have to wait until the rain stops,” Fili said, looking towards Kili. He was watching the droplets as they dripped down his hand, over his fingertips and onto his lap with a soft pitter-patter. Fili found himself watching it as well, remembering their time spent on the pier.

Kili's skin had always been moist, as did his hair, curled and bouncing as it dried slightly in the cooled evening air.

Fili licked his lips absently, eyes still following the water as it slid slowly down from Kili's hair to his neck.

There was a fond, wistful smile playing on Kil's lips as he turned his hand, continuing to watch as the water slowly disappeared under his shirt. Then his gaze flicked over to Fili and he gave him a warm smile, eyes shining gratitude.

He knew they were not safe yet, but Fili had got him this far.

Kili's grateful smile filled Fili with a warmth that washed away the cold the storm wrought. Fili felt his face flush a little at the sight of it, and how his friend's face seemed to completely change.

That growing fondness and budding warmth seemed to blossom like a new spring flower in Fili's heart.

He knew then, he was in deep trouble.

Still, Fili took Kili's hand in his.

“I'll get you home,” he said. “Whatever it takes, Kili. I promise.”

Kili smiled, nodding his head before squeezing Fili's hand gently. "Home." He murmured quietly. He knew Fili would take him there, if they could.

The storm raged on and it grew windier, chillier, as the night progressed. Fili had moved closer to Kili for warmth, and tucked his friend against his side.

“Cold,” Fili said simply, although he felt his pulse rise slightly. They hadn't been this close before, and Fili silently berated himself for how he was starting to feel. Protective, like a brother, he told himself. Or tried to convince himself.

He had to keep Kili safe.

Fili felt at ease with Kili by his side. It gave him a sense of peace in this broken little shack deep in the jungles of an island far from home.

Even if they weren't safe, Fili felt he could rest here. He closed his eyes tiredly, listening to the rain as it fell against the fallen roof, and pattered over flat tropical leaves. He leaned against Kili, his nose pressed against his hair, comforted by the smell of the ocean.

Fili drifted in and out, and waited for the storm to pass.

*

When Kili's eyes opened the next time, the sun was shining through the cracked window. He yawned turning on his side carefully, eying the blond beside him.

For once, Fili looked so peaceful. There was no worry-lines on his face, and his lips were parted slightly. Kili found himself biting his own lip in return.

Hesitantly he reached out, shaking Fili gently.

Fili groaned sleepily, closing his eyes tight as he was disturbed from his rest. His body ached, as did his back from sleeping in an upright position.

He blinked bleary eyes, a little confused at first at where he was. At the sight of Kili's face, the memories came rushing back.

“Wha...?” he managed, turning his head and noticing the light. The forest around them smelled of fresh rain, and it had grown humid from it. But it was the sunlight that startled Fili. He sat upright completely, looking around, a bit panicked.

"Kili hear no bad men." Kili said quietly, giving the blond a tiny smile. It was true, he could hear nothing else but the animals close to the shack. But no footsteps, no shouts, nothing else.

Fili jumped a little at Kili's quiet voice. He looked to his friend, who seemed calm.

Shoulders slumping, Fili let out a short breath, tilting his head back a little.

“Good,” He said, swallowing. “That's good.”

More than good, it meant they've stayed hidden just a while longer. Still, they had slept longer than Fili intended. He hoped to keep them walking through the night, once the storm dissipated. He felt exposed in the daylight, despite their cover of the jungle and her thick trees.

Fili looked to Kili then. “How do you feel...?” he asked, referring to his legs.

"Sore." Kili replied truthfully, shaking his head a bit. "Kili manages." 

It wasn't like he had any other choice but to move forward, or get killed.

Fili nodded. He wished he could let them rest longer. His own legs felt sore from how fast they were going, climbing over rock and root. He forced himself to stand, thigh muscles feeling tight.

He helped Kili stand next, giving him his cane.

“Come on,” Fili said. “We might be far from the road, but all places have an end. I think if we keep walking, we'll find something.”

So they continued to trek. Still, as small as islands were, walking through them took more time than Fili could have possibly imagined. It was hard under the growing humidity, the cloaks the only thing protecting them from unwanted insects.

At some point the hunger and thirst began to settle. Fili found a fruit tree with ripened mangoes, and they settled on the juice of that, despite Kili making faces at the taste and texture of the fruit.

“I'm sorry its not fish,” Fili said with a crooked smile.

"Kili will be fine." He promised, taking another careful bite of the fruit, shuddering at the taste. It was far from what he usually ate, but he knew he needed it if he wished to survive their journey.

His legs felt burning, too hot, too hurt.

But he kept pushing forward, leaning more and more heavily on his cane.

They walked well into the high noon and when the sun was at it's hottest, and Fili could here Kili panting and straining. Eventually Fili came to a stop, looking at Kili's flushed face and shaking arms.

Fili moved towards him, and knelt down slightly.

“Climb on,” Fili said. At Kili's confusion, he somehow managed to show him how to get onto his back, arms around his neck. He had Kili hook his ankles around his waist. Fili held onto him from under his thighs, and continued forward on his own straining legs.

Eventually they found a road again, and Fili followed it, determined, hiking faster until he saw the end of it. His heart fell a little at the sight of what was left of the village the atlas had portrayed. The broken down little houses, fences, and grass that grew much too high.

There was a pier nearby, and Fili could smell the sea and hear the waves.

“Kili,” Fili said, kneeling slightly so his friend could slide off his back. “Look. The water.”

Kili lifted his head tiredly, making a noise in the back of his throat at the sight of the sea. He wanted to cry. He was tired, exhausted and afraid and he only wanted to get on a boat and back in the water so they could have a moment of peace.

He wriggled down from Fili's back, nearly collapsing but managed just to keep his balance. 

The ocean was a welcome sight, a refreshing one from trees and underbrush. The water was blue, the wind was cool and the sand almost as pearly white as the beach at home. Fili brought Kili closer to see, to smell, to feel and touch the water.

They had gone so far, they were exhausted and run on their last bits of energy. The ocean was a short reprieve, until Fili got back to thinking.

As Kili sat in the sand, Fili looked towards the pier, still in tact. There was a barge there, covered in barrels, tied tight. It looked new. Near the pier stood a house, still in tack on short cliff face facing the sea. He could see a light from the windows, small. Likely a fireplace or a lantern.

Fili unconsciously touched the coins hidden in his trousers, and swallowed. This was risky, but faced with an empty village and nothing else, he had to try.

He brought Kili up the steep walkway, pointing towards the house at the very top.

“I know,” Fili said as Kili whimpered. The walk was a bit painful, but the anxiety knocking on that door was worse.

To be met at the end of a gun was no better, but Fili understood the stranger's wariness living on an island of thieves.

Fili bartered with him, nonetheless, and offered the coins in his purse in exchange for supplies and the use of his barge. It was harder convincing the old stranger that they weren't pirates, and they had no desire to steal from him.

“I'll take your coin,” the old man said. “But I shan't take you anywhere until high tide tomorrow.”

He was gracious enough to let Fili and Kili take a spot in one of the empty rooms, and grateful more over for the fire and the blankets- though thin and moth eaten and smelling of dust, they were warm and dry.

Fili tucked Kili to his side, and they slept.


	10. Chapter 10

Loaded with the things they needed, Fili gave the old man a good handful from the purse. He took them across during high tide, a short sail toward the next island that was seen in the distance, and docked them at a small fishing village.

From there, Fili paid another man in a large gem he had nicked for the use of his fishing boat, with the promise to return it.

The promise of when, well, Fili didn't know.

'Someday' lingered in the back of his mind. Fili just wanted to be away from this chain of islands, and to wherever they needed to be next.

For now they had open water, current maps.

But where this Gandalf was, Fili had no idea.

“Kili,” Fili said, tearing his eyes away from the island that slowly shrunk behind them in the vast distance, feeling a bit of relief. He could see the Exodus shipyard, and what was possibly the Martyr still docked there.

The sight of it fading away lifted some burden from his shoulders.

“Kili,” Fili said again to get his friend's attention. Kili seemed wrapped up in the feeling of being on the water, staring out over the edge of the vessel.

“Where is this Gandalf? Do you know where we're supposed to go?”

Kili turned his head at the question, nodding his head. "Kili leads." He promised, fingers tangling from over the edge to the water. He felt relief, he felt joy to be out there again.

He was tired, yes.

He knew things were not exactly resolved yet.

But the burden in his heart was gone, and there was a tender smile playing on his lips as he soaked in the ocean.

Fili could see how happy Kili was on the water, fingers dragging over the surface as they sailed. It filled him with joy to see him at peace, and yet it also saddened him greatly that their time together would be shortened.

He was certain that after this, Kili would want nothing to do with the surface world and would return to the comforting depths of the sea's embrace. Back into memory, myth and legend. The place he belonged.

The thoughts made Fili's heart ache a little with longing. He knew what he felt wasn't to be, however, he would enjoy his time with him as he could, despite the circumstances being what they were.

They had a few weeks of supplies, fruit to fight cabin fever, fresh water and rations. Fili had bought a pole to fish, and cheese for bait (the smell of which made Kili wrinkle his nose and make a slight retching noise, making Fili smile in amusement).

So Fili let him lead. The water was open and miles around Fili saw next to nothing, but Kili seemed to be running on instinct, pointing them in the correct direction, and Fili would steer the vessel.

Slowly, day by day, Kili grew stronger and he started to explore their boat, bouncing around with mostly steady steps-- there were times when he would fall, and even one instance where he had tripped and fallen over the edge of the boat but he had just surfaced with a laugh, letting himself be pulled back on the boat.

Fili had been worried at first, but Kili turned out to be an even stronger swimmer than a walker, right at home in the ocean.

He pulled Kili up, the brunet soaked from head to toe, his laughter like a song, reminding Fili of gentle wind over calm water. Fili smiled bright, laughing along with Kili as they stumbled and fell back, Kili soaking his clothes as he sat up in his lap.

Kili giggled quietly, wiping the wet curls from his face, cheeks flushed from sheer joy as he peered down at Fili. It was weird how comfortable he was with the blond. Fili didn't make him feel threatened or uncomfortable, and after Fili helped him escape, joined him to help him, he just grew more and more attached to the man.

They were both in a small fit of laughter, Fili's hands resting on Kili's waist. Kili was smiling so serenely, with his eyes crinkled in laughter, curls bouncing over his eyes, cheeks flushed with happiness.

He was beautiful, more beautiful than Fili had ever thought to see him.

Fili's smile faltered slightly as he brought a hand to Kili's face, gently caressing his cheek, brushing the hair away.

Kili blinked few times, turning his head a bit before briefly nuzzling the hand on his cheek. As always, the touch was warm, his skin tingling under Fili' hand.

Fili looked gorgeous, in Kili's opinion. The more days had passed, the more relaxed Fili seemed to be. He smiled more often, laughed and made jokes.

He reminded Kili a lot of the Fili he had first known.

Fili pushed himself up a little on his elbow, his fingers running through Kili's moistened locks. Fili didn't know what compelled him, later he would blame Kili's smile, but soon he found he was pressing a kiss to his mouth. Soft, the touch brief.

Something chaste. Just something. Something to keep, for memories sake. If Fili survives this and Kili leaves, he'll marry a lass and give her children just to tell this story to them.

Or he'll live alone, and write his memoirs in secret and bury them in the sand.

Kili jerked slightly in surprise, his eyes widening a bit. He could feel Fili's lips on his own, much like he had felt on his forehead few times before. Those touches had been warm and gave him a pleasant feeling.

This...

This made his heart skip a bit, heat rise unexpectedly on his cheeks and he touched them in confusion, casting Fili a concerned look. Despite the burning sensation, he felt... good. The touch felt good, made him yearn for another one.

“Sorry,” Fili said quietly. His own cheeks felt hot, face reddened from both the sun and the kiss. He still touched Kili's hair, fingers gently brushing through down to the skin of his neck.

“I shouldn't have done that,” the blond went on to say. “I just... I wanted... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Kili shook his head a bit, leaning in the touch carefully. "Okay. Not uncomfortable." He assured him, turning his head, lips brushing against Fili's wrist curiously.

Fili blinked in surprise at the little kiss, face growing a little warmer at Kili's careful curiosity. He peered back at Fili with those impossibly large eyes, always wide with wonder. With wanting to know.

Fili wanted to teach him, he wanted to teach Kili everything. About the stars in the sky, their stories and purposes, how to navigate them. He wanted to teach him to speak, to read, to draw, and write. He wanted to teach him their songs, perhaps how to play a fiddle, to dance in the town festivals. Fili wanted to see flowers woven into his curls, to see him smile.

He wanted everything. Everything they couldn't have.

So Fili gave him what little he could now. Placing both hands on Kili's cheeks, he drew him closer and kissed him again. Something longer, gentle and a little firmer.

Kili's breath hitched, fingers curling against Fili's shirt as Fili kissed him again. That's what it was, right? He had seen the royal family do it, had seen it in the inn they had resided in.

It made his skin tingle, eyelids fluttering close before he tentatively pressed in the kiss, lifting a hand placing it over Fili's which rested on his cheek.

Slow, languid, soft-- Fili savored the feeling of Kili's lips against his own. He stroked Kili's cheeks with his thumbs, trailing his fingertips over Kili's neck. His skin felt warm, silky to the touch, Fili could feel him tremble a little under his hands.

Fili pecked at Kili's lips gently, sucking his bottom lip, tasting sea salt and the sweetness of fruit Kili had eaten before. He kissed him until they were short of breath, panting softly against each other's mouths, cheeks pink and eyes glazed over, lashes fallen.

“I'll miss you,” Fili murmured, pressing their foreheads together.

"Miss you." Kili echoed quietly, trying to regain his breathing. His heart was jumping, fingers trembling as he reached over to Fili, sinking his fingers in the blond hair.

He wanted to stay with Fili, even if he knew he couldn't. 

Not with the pirates around.

But... they would have time until that, until they reached Gandalf.

Time Fili wanted to take advantage of. He peppered Kili's lips and face in more soft kisses, keeping him close, wanting to be closer.

Fili held Kili after that, pulling him flush against his body, holding on tight as he lay back down on the deck, looking up at the clear blue sky. He touched Kili's hair, the back of his neck and shoulders, wrapping an arm around his middle. His free hand stroked Kili's side, petting him affectionately.

“Kili,” Fili said after a moment, hands resting on his friend's back. “What's it like down there? Where you live, I mean.”

Kili turned his head, a small smile playing on his lips as he started to explain his way of life as best as he could. About the shells of the ocean, of the fishes and caves filled with beautiful stones. He explained about the other mers, his brothers and sisters, he explained about the currents and the songs.

Kili spoke enthusiastically, animatedly, with gestures and sounds mixed with the words Fili had taught him. He spoke of the things he's seen, of creatures Fili thought didn't existed.

But Kili existed. He was here, warm in his arms.

“It sounds so beautiful,” Fili said, smiling gently. “If I could only see it.”

"If Kili can, Kili shows you." The merman promised with a nod. Even if only from the surface, he would show Fili everything he wished to see.

Fili chuckled softly. “I'd love to see everything with you.”

Maybe swim below, as deep as he could, to explore the little caves and see first hand the treasures of the sea. How beautiful Kili must be beneath the blue, with his great tattered fins and long blue tail, hair dancing along in the current.

Fili doubted he could possibly keep up with him in the water.

“Ah, if I had a fish tail.” He mused, playing with Kili's moist curls. “The places we would go.”

Kili leaned in the touch, closing his eyes for a moment. If only... he could ask Fili if he wished Gandalf to... but he couldn't.

Fili had a life here, above water. He could run and laugh with the people he belonged with. It would be wrong to take that away from him.

They lay like this a while, the water soaked into Fili's clothes, but comfortable in their position that it didn't bother him in the slightest. The sun was high overhead, with a few clouds to occasionally block the warm rays and shade them temporarily from the heat.

Having Kili snuggled against him this way gave Fili a sense of peace and contentment. Their vessel rocked like a cradle against the ocean current, the sound of water like a gentle lullaby. Quietly, Fili started to hum. Fingers traced Kili's back, played with the soft locks of his hair. Comforts for both, in touch and in this precious moment. How Fili desperately wanted it to last forever.

Fili sang softly then, of soft dark hair and pale skin that shone in moonlight. He sang of a bell-like song akin to shell chimes. He sang of lips, soft against his own, and the memories they made together.

“How smitten I am,” Fili mumbled, laughing softly to himself as Kili nuzzled him. The feelings he had were strong, and grew stronger with each moment. They brought him both joy and despair.

*

Their journey continued for several more days before Fili finally caught sight of land. Or, what looked to be a large rock jutting out of the water. He thought to avoid it, but Kili seemed to be enthusiastically pointing forward.

“Is this it?” Fili asked and squinted. He drew up a telescope he bargained off the fishermen to see. In the distance he saw a broken down cottage and many fruit trees. His heart leaped.

"Gandalf!" Kili nodded eagerly, hanging out from the edge of the boat in effort to see and get closer. He hadn't thought they would made it, but there it was, plain for them to see.

"Home."

Home.

It saddened Fili more than he was able to admit. But Kili would return to where he belonged, to his family and the comforting depths of the ocean herself.

And Fili would return to town, to how life had always been.

It would be better this way. For both of them.

Swallowing down the painful feeling, Fili put on a determined grin.

As soon as they were in the shallow water, Kili fell over the edge and on the wet sand. He could not care less if it tore his skin, or if his clothes got wet. 

All that mattered was that he knew these lands, knew this sea. Knew he would be safe now.

But...

It also meant he would have to let Fili go.

Fili watched as Kili stumbled, desperate to get to that broken down little cottage. The blond had brought the boat as close as he could, the bottom scraping against the sand of the shallow water. He moved down over the edge, wading through the water after Kili.

He slowed down considerably as he reached the beach, stepping onto the sand, glancing up at the shack. Kili clambered up to reach it, and the farther he moved the farther Fili was starting to feel. His heart heavy, steps feeling heavier.

Once at their destination and Kili having gone inside, Fili looked around. There was incense burning, jars of things that ranged from recognizable to unrecognizable. He spotted a broom, several walking sticks, tables of jars, stones, bowls, powders and vials of colored oils.

Shells hung everywhere with dried herbs, the fruit trees that grew through the cracks and the holes in the wall dropping ripened fruit, the smell strong, intoxicating, mixed with salt and the distinct scent of burned tropical bark.

But there was no sign of anyone here.

“Kili..?” Fili looked to his friend.

Kili had reached to the same conclusion, worried eyes gazing around the empty shack. He could still smell the incense, and there was food left on a small plate. Seemed like Gandalf had left in a hurry.

"Something's wrong."

He walked out of the shack, looking around the tiny island, trying to peer over the large rocks.

“Maybe he's out..?” Fili offered lamely as he followed Kili. He glanced out over the short climb, wondering just where anyone could go off to on a small rock like this. There wasn't much place anyone could go. It probably took a good few minutes to walk from one end to the other.

That is, unless this Gandalf had a boat or was a very good swimmer, there wasn't much of anywhere he could go.

Fili opened his mouth to say something else, that perhaps they could wait for him to return, when he heard the familiar clicking sound of a hammer being cocked back, and the press of a barrel against his lower back.

“That's the funny thing about wizards,” that calm voice made Fili's blood run cold like ice in his veins. “They tend to wander off when you need them.”


	11. Chapter 11

“Thorin,” Fili said evenly, breath coming in a bit short. He glanced at the faces of the crewmen that were before him, Dwalin being the one who restrained Kili. His face was unreadable, and he couldn't look Fili in the eye. Kili twisted, trying to kick and pull himself free but it was no use. A hand seized his chin, forcing him to be calm and his chest heaved as he stared at Fili frightened.

How could this have happened?

They hadn't even seen another ship for crying out loud!

“This is a funny way to repay me,” Thorin said then, tilting his head. “I give you work on my ship, a promise of excellent pay, and you turn around and steal my cargo.”

“He isn't cargo,” Fili said automatically, and felt a sharp pain on the back of his head that rattled him. He fell to his knees with a pained grunt.

“You've got a lot to learn about respect, nephew-mine.” Thorin said, grasping Fili by the hair painfully.

“Thorin,” Dwalin said. Thorin seemed to dismiss his first mate, but after a moment released his grip. Instead he took Fili by the arm, and hoisted him back to his feet.

“Walk,” Thorin said, face grim.

Kili hissed as he was lead forward, pushed towards the small opening between the rocks. He had expected to see water inside. Instead there seemed to be a path of a sort, one Kili had not seen before. He frowned confused, casting a worried look at the blond.

And Fili could only give Kili a forced smile of reassurance. Yet there was doubt in his heart of how this would end.

Forced to walk this darkened path, Fili was pushed along. The back of his head ached hard enough that his vision blurred slightly. He had to blink rapidly to stay focused.

There was much he didn't understand about this. Why hadn't Thorin killed him and simply taken Kili? Where were they going?

“If you aren't going to kill me,” Fili said, voice quiet, though it echoed in this darkened cave. They were aided by a lantern held by one of the other men, but it only revealed so much of it. “Will you at least tell me where you're taking us?”

“Somewhere you might appreciate,” Thorin said, pushing Fili forward a little harder, making the blond grunt and stumble. “Considering how much you like sirens.”

He said nothing after that, the cave steadily becoming brighter. Fili could hear water now, a gentle lap of it as it touched rock, the drip of moisture. They came to a widened berth then, lit by more lanterns and light shining from the sun above.

There was water all around in pools that seemed to go deep, light bouncing of the rock surface, shining in silver veins. Fili could see the remnants of coral, shells, barnacles and dead sea plants. The carvings here were beautiful , depicting creatures Fili had only heard of in stories. Krakens with great tentacles, hoards of merfolk, deepsea monsters and both beautiful and terrifying.

At the end of it all stood what looked to be a massive door guarded by great stone statues of warrior mermaids. Between them were a maze of carvings into the floor, all ending at a pool of water in the center.

That pool was surrounded by corpses.

It took a moment for the smell to hit him, but when it did Fili gagged. He covered his mouth at the smell of dead, decay, and dust. Bones and rotted flesh of fish and man alike.

The closer they got, Fili could see they were not human at all.

A sound of pure anguish and terror slipped from Kili's lips as he was met with the sight of his own brothers and sisters, laying dead, rotten in the pool of their own blood. He twisted in the tight hold, kicking the man behind him, even tried to bite him again in effort of getting free.

“What is this place?” Fili asked with shaken breath.

“Why, our legacy, of course.” Thorin said, flourishing his arm, as if proud. “You are the first Durin besides myself to have seen it for a hundred years.”

Fili could not tear his eyes from the center pool, full of blood, and the twisted faces of the corpses left there.

“This is The Alcove, an ancient entrance to a treasure lost for centuries.” Thorin went on, moving forward. “Our ancestors gave up much to find it, and gathered it, hoarded it here. Behind these doors are fabled mounds of gold, of jewels so large and so beautiful, kings would bow at your very feet if you were to take even one of them.”

“This, my sister-son,” Thorin moved forward as two men took Fili by the arms. “Is Poseidon's hoard. The ocean's greatest and most valuable gifts. It was lost to us for so long, and I had found it again before your birth. What a joyous day it was, to finally want for nothing.” His face grew hard. “Then it was taken from me the very same day.”

He turned his gaze to Kili's mourning form, eye reflecting a madness Fili had seen in only few men.

If he could, Kili would tear the man's throat open and not even regret it. How many of his own had he killed? How many of his kin laid in the pool?

It was all he could do to keep himself from throwing up, his entire form trembling. He knew what the man needed. He knew what he would do to him.

"...Merman blood."

“Perceptive,” Thorin said, eyes dark. “For a shark.”

Fili felt his heart hammer and his mind become overrun with grief and shame. This was their legacy behind those doors, stained with flecks of failed attempts. He could see the red paths as it dripped into a pool of dead, their horrified faces forever to be burned in his mind.

For Kili, it must have been excruciating. His brothers and sisters, their bones littered in this once gorgeous hall. A hall not meant for the touch of man, tainted by greed.

“What justifies this?” Fili asked then, voice trembling. “What justifies murder for selfish gain?”

“Murder?” Thorin barked out a bitter laugh. “What is murder to a farmer butchering a pig? This isn't murder, no. Murder would mean killing something with a conscience. With feelings.”

“Thorin, listen to yourself.” Dwalin spoke up this time, yet he still restrained Kili as he slumped. “I've seen you do this more than enough times to see these-- these sirens-- they weep for their dead, and their lives. Yet you still take them without thought.”

“They took him away without thought,” Thorin said then, voice sounding strange. “Deep below, I saw the blood...”

“Do you think this will bring him back?” Dwalin spat out. “Once you open that door he'll be standing there with your wedding ring and a damned smile and forgive you for everything you did? He's gone, damnit. This won't change anything.”

“No,” Thorin shook his head. “It won't but at least...” he held his gun with shaking hands, and smiled bitterly. “It soothes the wound. Bring him to me.”

Kili looked utterly confused and terrified, digging his heels on the ground as he was pushed forward. 

No, not like this.

He scrambled against the ground, trying to pull himself away from the man, trying to free himself from the hold but it was no use. He was shoved at who had to be their leader, his heart hammering in his chest.

“Kili!” Fili cried out, pulling on his arms, trying to get away from the men who held him. He managed to tug his arm loose, lurching forward, only to feel the wind punched from his lungs. He crumpled to his knees at the sudden hit, gasping for breath as the men held him down by the shoulders.

“Kili...” Fili murmured uselessly, vision blurring with hot, pained tears.

Thorin had brought Kili to the pool, pushing him down and taking him by the hair. The gun was dropped aside, a long dagger taking its place, pressed against the skin of Kili's exposed throat.

Kili stared down at the pool of his kin's bodies, entire body trembling in fear. He would be gutted like a fish, like an animal. He would _die_ here, when he had just learned what it meant to love someone.

He stopped struggling as the blade pressed against his skin, sending a prayer up that it would be over quickly when the sudden shout pierced the air from the mouth of the cave.

"Don't you _dare_ to lay a hand on him Thorin, or I swear I will drown all of you in that excuse of a cave!"

Kili jerked slightly, his eyes widening at the shout. "Brother!"

Everything seemed to stop at the sudden shout, the only thing left in it's wake small echoes and the heavy labored breathing of Fili.

Thorin looked around, his grip still tight on the knife and Kili's hair.

“I know that voice,” he mumbled, eyes widened. “But it cannot be...”


	12. Chapter 12

“This is a trick,” Thorin said. “This must be a trick, there is no way...” He seemed shaken as if he had seen a ghost.

But it got them time, as it were. The men seemed spooked that their captain was so disturbed, their grip was loose on Fili's shoulders. But he was too aware of Thorin holding Kili, and his friend was still in too much danger to move now.

"Oh that's rich, you forgot my voice already? I am gone for four years, and you've gone and made yourself a-- a lunatic! This is the last warning, out of the cave, now!"

Kili felt nothing but relief to hear Bilbo's voice, but he was too aware of the blade on his throat, the painful grip in his hair. He didn't even dare to swallow.

Thorin seemed conflicted, between listening or defying. His face was odd, still looking about the cave as if trying to find the source of the voice, which seemed to echo from all around.

“I've enough of your mockeries,” Thorin said, his voice rough with despair. “You have the gal to take him from me, and now you imitate his voice...?” He pulled on Kili's hair harder, making him whimper. “I should make you suffer for it--”

“That is enough,” came another voice, but this one followed by the echo of booted feet and the sound of a cane tapping against the cave floor.

An old man stepped into the light, from where, Fili couldn't say.

“Gandalf,” Thorin glowered at him.

“The very same,” Gandalf said, his voice aged and wise. He looked at Thorin calmly beneath the brim of his large hat. “You've seen better days, Thorin Durinson, Captain of the Martyr.”

“So it's you then?” Thorin grit his teeth. “You dare to-- after everything _you_ did--”

Gandalf shook his head. “I assure you, the circumstances were of your own doing. You came to me asking for the sea's greatest treasure. I told you my magic had a price.”

“You should have known what that price would be!” Thorin spat then, his voice like thunder. “My Bilbo-- my treasure of treasures...”

Gandalf's shoulders sagged slightly. “Equal payment for the bounty, Thorin. You asked for the sea's greatest gifts, and it took yours in exchange.”

Thorin's hands shook visibly, Fili could see from where he knelt, eyes going between the three of them. It was starting to make sense, but there were a dozen unanswered questions swimming in his head.

“But he is not gone from this world,” Gandalf went on to say. “He awaits. Outside. I brought him for you.”

“You're lying,” Thorin said automatically.

“I'm not,” the old wizard said gently. “You're a stubborn type, you Durinsons. I know very well you never take word over what you can see with your own eyes.”

“Then if it's true bring him to me,” Thorin said then. “Bring him to me, if he is... if he's...”

“I cannot,” Gandalf said simply. “There is a reason. Please, if you would release young Kili. Come outside, come and see.”

There was a sigh, then the sound of something pounding the rock angrily.

"For once, just listen to your elder! I'm very much alive, but circumstances kept me away. You gave me away for treasure. You gave away my humanity, and turned me into one of those you so started to hate."

“But I wouldn't-- I would never,” Thorin took in sharp breaths, and Fili could see his mouth trembling. His resolve was crumbling. “If I had known, I wouldn't have-- I wouldn't--”

“Let him go,” Gandalf said gently. “Let them both go. And we will go outside. Walk ahead if you must, or behind with your gun if you so choose. Shoot me dead, drive me through, if I am lying to you.”

Thorin swallowed thickly. “I...”

“Thorin,” Dwalin spoke up, carefully stepping towards his friend as if he were a frightened rabbit. “I won't pretend I feel like I haven't lost you. But we can end this madness now. No legendary treasure is worth this. Yours is outside.”

Thorin's shoulders shook slightly, and his eyes seemed watery. He was struggling to speak.

“You're my friend,” Dwalin said. “My captain. And a good man, under all this, I know you are. Let the lad go.”

The silence was tense, and Fili could only hear his heart pounding loudly in his ears. The sound of the dagger falling with a clatter sent a wave of relief over him, and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

Thorin released Kili, but did not move for a long moment.

Dwalin nodded to the men that held Fili's shoulders, and he scrambled from them immediately to go to Kili's side.

Kili fell like the ropes that held him up had been cut loose, his sobs being suffocated by the rock and sand. He had thought he would die. He had been sure each next exhale would be his last.

He knew Fili was the one approaching him, but he still pulled way a bit, not sure if he could handle another man touching him just yet. He gave the blond a sorrowful, apologetic look before pushing himself up with shaky legs. 

Fili understood, and instinctively crossed his arms as Kili pulled away from him. He followed his friend with saddened eyes, keeping the things he wanted to say to himself.

Men were cruel creatures. Unforgiving, terrible, and tainted everything they touched.

Fili was likely no exception to this.

None of the men tried to stop Kili as he pushed past them, walking out of the cave.

The next minute there was the sound of water splashing, a twin cry of relief that died in hiccuping sobs and soothing words.

“Show me then,” Thorin murmured, looking at Gandalf with cold eyes. He had picked up his gun, and as promised Gandalf allowed him to point it right at his back.

The wizard lead them out onto the beach, where the waves lapped serenely against white sand, leaving behind foam and pushing round rocks and broken shells. Kili was in the crystal clear water, cradled in the arms of another merman with a long golden tail and hair that glimmered just as brightly, shining under a sun that seemed too cheery for what had just transpired.

Gandalf turned and allowed Thorin through, presenting the shore with his staff. “Bilbo Baggins, captain. As whole, if not a bit different, then when you last saw him.”

Thorin seemed struck, looking out over the water at the creature sitting in the shallows. He had dropped his weapon again, the barrel falling in to the sand with a dull thud.

Longing filled Bilbo's heart, alongside with pure anger. "I am so mad at you right now I don't know whether to throw you with a rock or slap you with my fin. Perhaps I'll do both."

The shock of it was clearly a big blow to the gut for Thorin. His knees buckled from under him and he fell into the sand. The water hit his knees as he continued to stare out over at the golden merman as if he were looking at the face of someone long mourned.

“Bilbo,” he said quietly, barely audible above the surf.

Bilbo was silent for a long time, just watching Thorin carefully before he sighed. "...If you hadn't gone mad with your need for that stupid gold... things would be different."

A lot would have been different. Perhaps this mad scheme would never have arisen. Maybe Fili would be at peace on the pier, with Kili. Or perhaps they wouldn't have ever met.

The latter likely better than the firsts. All this pain, to come to the surface, and for what? Nothing.

“Just... just what happened, exactly?” Fili spoke then, glancing between Thorin and Bilbo. Thorin had not said a word, eyes glazed and mouth set firm, as if trying to hang onto whatever justifications he had left in his head.

Gandalf had taken a seat on the rocks. Fili turned to look at him, smelling smoke. The wizard had lit a pipe.

“Thorin Durinson came to me after the fall of the trading legacy set up by his, and if I'm not mistaken, your family.” The old man sniffed a bit, puffing at his pipe. “Before the trade routes set by the Oakenshield Trading company, the Durinsons were rumored to have been pirates. Your family lost its titles after the claim against the company, and you lost everything. But that was before you were born, of course.”

Fili kept his lips shut, wondering how the wizard even knew who he was. But shook his head. “I never knew of money, growing up. My parents were fishermen. My mother a barmaid.”

“Again, before you were born.” Gandalf said. “Thorin came to me when times were at its most desperate. He wanted the legacy back, and the treasures of the sea to have his love,” he nodded towards Bilbo. “To want for nothing. He came to me willingly, seeking a spell that would help him find Poseidon's Hoard.”

The old man blew smoke through his nose, and offered Fili the pipe. The blond put up his hand, wanting to take it, but in the end refused. This seemed an inappropriate time to smoke. The wizard merely shrugged.

“My magic is conditional,” Gandalf said. “I tell this to everyone who comes to me seeking favors, and I don't give them willingly. Thorin Durinson wanted the greatest treasure of the sea, and in turn the sea demanded his. So the sirens took Bilbo below and shed his human body, and he emerged from the torn flesh as the merman you see there. The spell then led Thorin successfully to the entrance to Poseidon's treasure vaults, the lost legacy of your family. But the seal cannot be broken, not without the warm blood of a merman or mermaid.”

The wizard seemed almost amused then. “Funny that, considering sirens are all cold blooded. Save, say perhaps, Kili over there.”

Kili turned his head a bit at the mention of his name, looking distraught but again Bilbo shushed him with few words. He understood now why Gandalf had been so grim to grant him his wish. He was foolish.

"I don't remember much of the changing progress as I blacked out after I ran out of air. I woke up like this, and I was taken to Kili. He was such a small creature four years ago, and my mothering instincts took over. Soon I found myself having a little brother." Bilbo smiled fondly at the brunette.

"Never understood what I said of course, only the few words I learned from their own language. It never stopped us though. And then-- then Gandalf told me about Kili's wish. About wanting to be a human and find other people like Fili. Kind people, ones that could teach to him about the life on the land." His eyes grew hard as he glared at the men.

"I knew this would happen. Knew you would find him. That's why I waited here, and this is all your fault Thorin so stop glaring at me! This was your wish, one you brought upon yourself!"

Again, Thorin had not said a word. It was likely wise not to, he didn't fight the accusation, nor did he make a move to accept it.

His silence was enough to convey how lost he had become.

Fili didn't know if he felt pity for him or not. It was a selfish wish in the end. A curse now. All wishes began with good intentions, perhaps that's why they were always so easily twisted.

“Is magic always so cruel...?” Fili asked, looking the wizard with accusatory eyes. “Why give these favors if you know of how dire the consequences are?”

“It's an equivalent exchange,” Gandalf said with a shrug. “It may seem cruel to you, but the sea, she takes what she believes she is owed for the gifts she gives you. And the sea is unpredictable, calm and beautiful, before waves of fury crash and stir. You look to me as if I coerce these favors.” The wizard scoffed then. “No, you all come to my tiny island wishing for legs, for treasure, for love, for beauty. You don't understand what it means to sacrifice, and when you finally do, you regret it knowing full well of what I told you.”

The old man shook his head and sighed visibly.

Kili rested his head against Bilbo's chest, exhausted from everything. The fights, the fear, the running away. His eyes closed, and Bilbo's hand slid through his curls, gently combing them out of the way. "If I had known, I would have stopped him." He murmured quietly, holding the former merman above the surface. 

“I suppose, the question now,” Gandalf tapped the ash from this pipe. “Is what shall be done from here.” He was looking at Thorin. “No doubt now that you see, you seek retribution.”

Thorin's fingers curled into the sand. He was staring at his knees now, hair fallen over his face.

“... I cannot be forgiven,” Thorin said then, voice broken. “Everything I had done, when I lost... when we lost...” he grit his teeth. “I became a murderer. A thief. Dishonorable and blind. What retribution may I seek that only deserves my death?”

He glanced up at Bilbo then, his eyes full of tears. But Thorin did not sob.

“Take me to the furthest depths,” He said, gazing into Bilbo's troubled blue eyes. “Take me far below where it is dark. Drown me. My only wish now, if you will grant it, is to let me look upon your face in my last moments.”

"You're still as foolish as back then. It's nice to know some things don't change." Bilbo sighed, shaking his head a bit. "I can't grant that wish. You did not kill me. Changed me, yes. But that's far from taking my life."

“I have wronged more than just you, my love.” Thorin said, despaired. “I've hurt so many. Blinded by my pain, my heart full of ambition to fill the hole left there by your loss. I am not the man you fell in love with any longer, but a shell. A shadow that holds his face. The things I have done, I cannot undo them.”

“No,” Fili blinked, and Thorin seemed startled by his voice. The blond looked to Gandalf. “He can't but, can you?”

“Mm?” Gandalf was in the process of relighting his pipe. “Can I what, my boy?”

“Undo it.” Fili said. “Undo all of this. Can you?”

“More favors, is it?” Gandalf said, puffing smoke. He looked thoughtful, scratching his beard. A few hermit crabs fell from it, scuttling off unto the sand.

"But there's a price on it." Bilbo pointed out, not so sure he was fond of the idea. "Who knows what the sea asks for return this time, it's too risky!"

It was risky. Very risky.

Fili looked to Bilbo and his concerned face, and the whimpering form of his friend. Kili, frightened and scarred from the hurts of the land. What love could he possibly hold now for any human being? How could Fili touch him without seeing him flinch? He would not see him again.

They traveled so far. So far, to find this Gandalf. Fili wanted to fix this. He had to.

“I'm willing to pay it.” Fili shrugged.

“After everything, you...” Thorin looked to him then, eyes wide, bewildered. “After what I did, you want to fix..?”

Fili shook his head. “It isn't for you, specifically. I'm being kind, and perhaps because you are my kin. I see a glimpse of a man I would have admired...” he trailed off, and looked back to Bilbo.

“Besides, I made a promise,” Fili said then. “To bring Kili to Gandalf, to make sure he can go home. Whatever it takes.” He smiled a little crookedly. “You don't know me, I know that. I'm a stranger. And it's my fault Kili came to the surface in the first place. So I will pay it.”

"Fili, Kili will not like this." Bilbo warned him, glancing at the sleeping boy in his arms. "What if you die? What if something worse happens?"

“Then I'll die doing what's right,” Fili said, mouth feeling dry. He felt his heart pound a little to hard, and he took in a breath. He looked to Gandalf, who was considering him.

“What do you think, Master Wizard?” Fili squared his shoulders. “Will you grant my wish?”

“You want to do this fully accepting the consequences?” Gandalf asked, bushy brows raised. “Knowing the sea takes what she wants? All my warnings, all this despair you see here? You are willing to sacrifice yourself for that?”

Fili glanced at Kili, his serene face and his curls. He remembered his smile, his little laugh and bell-like coos. How soft his lips were, how wonderful and perfect his body felt pressed against his own.

The blond closed his eyes for a moment, and slowly nodded.

“For him,” he said. “I'll do anything.”

Bilbo didn't know what to say. 

It was pure love he saw in Fili's eyes, and he knew at the moment there was nothing he could have said to stop him. "Gandalf... do something to Kili too while you're at it, will you? He's broken. He doesn't--" Bilbo swallowed.

"...Don't pry these two apart. I don't care what you do to me."

“Not even I know how this will turn out,” Gandalf said, blowing out the last of his smoke. He tipped the ash from his pipe, and slowly stood on shaking legs. He mumbled something under his breath as he hobbled passed Fili, patting his shoulder. “Very well, my boy. Wait right here.”

So Fili did, rooted to the spot on the beach. Nobody said a word as the wizard set to work, gathering his materials.

The smell of burning coconut husk wafted through the air as Gandalf set about cleansing for his magic, mumbling in a language Fili didn't recognize.

It was a long process, and nothing like Fili had ever imagined magic to be. There was no flashing lights, puffs of white smoke and suddenly everything was fine. It was a long working, and no one dared disturb him as he went about creating a circle of crystals on the moist shore. He lay his offering bowl at the edge of the water, until the waves lapped and filled it with fizzing foam.

He extracted a single pearl from it, mumbling again before returning to Fili, holding the gem in his aged hands.

“I'm going to ask you again,” Gandalf said evenly. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Fili nodded mutely, and licked his drying lips.

Gandalf pressed the pearl into Fili's hands.

“Take the dagger within the vault,” Gandalf said grimly. “And cut a line down your arm. Bleed your blood into the pool, and let death take you. The sea never permits me to tell the price once I've completed her rituals, but she asks that I tell you. She demands your entire lifetime, from birth til death, to undo the suffering of this one.”

"You can't do that!" Bilbo shouted horrified. "What would I tell Kili?! That his first love went and died because of his uncle's sins?! Fili please, it's not worth it, I'm begging you!"

Fili clutched the pearl in his hands, warm and pulsing like a beating heart. It felt powerful, compelling, whispering quietly the ocean's hymns and comforts. He felt warmed by them.

“Fili,” Thorin spoke then, rising. “You don't need to do this. I will atone. I will give myself to the Royale, anything. You have your love yet, don't you? Do not make my mistakes.”

“I'm not,” Fili said, shaking his head. “This is the right thing to do. I will see him happy.”

“He'll be happy with you,” Thorin insisted.

“He would suffer with me,” Fili's shoulders sagged a bit. “He's hurt and scarred, it's my fault. This is my decision. So I'll do it.”

There was no stopping him, it seemed.

“Besides,” Fili clutched the gem tighter and flashed them both an apologetic smile. “It seems wrong to let you wallow in sin. I'll take your curses onto me if I can.”

"He would not suffer with you. He knows you're good, Fili. If you take your life, that's what will break him. You know he would follow you, right?" Bilbo said quietly.

"He followed you to the land. I have no doubt he would follow you to death as well."

Fili paused, eyes downcast. Would Kili truly try? He pursed his lips slightly, brows furrowing in thought.

“You said my life time, from birth til death.” Fili glanced up at the wizard. “But wouldn't saying 'my life' in general make more sense?”

Gandalf shook his head. “No. She's asking for your life time. This life time. Every moment, every memory of you. She will take it.”

“... then he won't remember me.” Fili said, eyes going a little wide. “She wants...”

“Your very existence, yes.” Gandalf nodded.

"Fili, don't do this. Don't take this away from him." Bilbo pleaded. "Don't take this away from yourself. You can't be this thickheaded! He needs you! Even if he wouldn't remember you, he would still need you! How would he remember why he suddenly has legs? Or why he feels empty inside?"

Fili went quiet for a moment, still holding the pearl tight.

“In exchange, everything will be undone.” Gandalf said, turning his gaze to Bilbo. “Kili will return to the sea, and it will be as if all of this hadn't happened. Thorin, you never asked for this wish, and Bilbo will return to your side. A miracle, in exchange for the miracle that was Fili's life, to change the course of three. Why, I think it's more than a fair deal.” The wizard seemed surprised, rubbing his bearded chin. “It isn't often the she offers such a bargain. I wonder why she would stretch her waves for you.”

The blond nodded slowly. “But he'll be safe...? At home, in the ocean, because of my sacrifice..?”

“As safe as he was before he met you, yes.” Gandalf said with a small shrug. “I don't claim to guarantee what happens afterwards.”

Bilbo's arms tightened around Kili, and the sleeping mer whined quietly in his sleep. He was quick to hush the brunette-- it would do no good to cause him the pain of goodbyes, if he was not to remember it within the next few minutes.

"...You're not going to change your mind, are you?" Bilbo asked quietly, soothing the mer in his arms. "I hope you're sure this is what you want."

Fili shoulders sagged, and he hardened his expression as best he could. He nodded.

“Yes.” He said.

It would be better, he thought, for all of them. Kili's missing brothers and sisters would return to him, Thorin would not go mad. Perhaps his uncle would visit his mother more in whatever life time this promised. And Kili... Kili wouldn't have to know the cruelty of men.

Safe in the water, in the deep depths, to stay in the stories and legends. The place he belonged.

And Fili.

Well.

If one didn't exist, he supposed there wasn't much to it after that.

“For what it's worth now,” Fili's smile shook a bit. “Tell him I'm sorry we won't see the caves. That I'm sorry I couldn't meet his friends, or swim with the whales, or... see the things he wanted to show me. Tell him... tell him I...”

He cleared his throat, and took in a breath. Fili shook his head. Words wouldn't be worth anything in a while. So he held the pearl in his hand, stood as straight as he could and began to walk towards the mouth of the cave.

Bilbo watched him go, his lips parted as if he wished to say something-- but there was nothing for him to say. Not to Fili. The man had made his own decision.

"He loves you." Bilbo whispered quietly, brushing the hair away from Kili's sleeping face. "He does this because he loves you. Remember him, keep him in your heart. May the Gods be merciful and let you meet again."

*

Fili lay near a pile of bones, the skull gaped with traces of long golden hair. He smelled dust, salt and decay.

The pearl was a comfort. A warm salve over the wound in both his heart and the self infliction. Fili remained quiet in his wait in the dark, staring at the carvings along the walls of the vault.

He watched the mermen as his vision swam, the little drip drops of life blood running down his arm into the stained pool of merfolk corpses a distant echo. He followed the patterns of the carvings with his eyes, his heart pounding quickly in his chest.

Death was a frightening thought. It always had been for humanity, for as long as man had understood what it meant to die, they sought ways to extend their mortality. Selfishly, through supplement and alchemy, through herb and poisons and impossibilities.

But death was inevitable, and a mystery of what laid beyond those final breaths it remained.

Fili was certain of his own fate, and that was probably why he wasn't as terrified as he thought he would be.

The images were also comforting, each painting a story melding together. Swirling, turning, colors meshing. The fish swam before Fili's vision, the whales and creatures on the walls moving, spiraling, interacting. The mermen swam circles around him.

Fili felt them touch his hair, his body, pluck at his clothes and curiously touch his stinging wound.

If they were mocking him, Fili didn't know.

He thought of only Kili, and the smiling face he'd never see again, his soft coo. Soft lips, pale skin, a pretty song. Starlight, water.

“I love you,” Fili murmured, the exhaustion overtaking the pain. “I love you...”

And his vision slowly went dark.


	13. Chapter 13

Water.

So much water.

An endless blue, clear and beautiful.

If this was what it meant to be nothing, then Fili didn't mind it so much at the start. He slowly awoke at the bottom of this blue, breathing it in, taking it deep. It didn't burn his lungs as he suspected it would, but passed through him as if he had been breathing it all his life.

The instinct to move followed, and soon Fili found that he had to swim, he must swim. So he did, powerfully, kicking his limbs, limbs that were new, weren't his own. He fought for the surface, and took in the air above, familiar yet not. He could see the sky, clear and bright, clouds and light of the sun. He saw a shore and moved toward it, grasping at rocks and hauling himself up, only to find that it was much harder to do. His lower half felt heavy, and slippery as he moved his legs to sit properly and catch his breath.

To his shock he found that his legs were absent, and in their place a long tail as gold as his own hair.

Fili looked down at himself with wide eyes, touching along his body. He felt the gills over his sides, the tattered fins over his arms, and the panic set in.

He didn't scream, however, only clicked-- a strange noise of distress that made him grasp at his throat.

Kili perked up at the sound of someone shouting, dropping the pearl as he swum towards the surface. It was not a human noise, no. What he saw instead was another merman, sitting on the rocks and looking... well, shocked.

His head tilted to the side before he swam closer, looking at him with a mix of wariness and curiosity. "You okay?"

Fili was startled at the presence of another, hearing more clicks. Clicks that weren't his, but he understood it. He looked up, locking eyes with the last person he thought he would see, and his heart felt as if it had stopped.

Kili looked at him curiously, if not a little warily, much like how he and Fili first met on the pier.

But it didn't make sense.

“I'm not supposed to...” Fili started. “But I died, and you...” he searched Kili's face, as if he could find the answers there. “Kili...”

For as long as he remembered, Kili had had the empty feeling in his chest. It wasn't painful most of the time, but... there were times when hearing or seeing something would hurt, like he had lost someone important and that certain thing would remind him of them. It confused him at first, but he slowly got used to it.

Now however it felt like some kind of relief and joy washed over him, leaving him confused, frowning a bit as he looked at the other mer. "Who are you? How do you know my name?" He asked carefully, fin moving round restlessly like he was ready to bolt at any given moment.

Of course, Kili didn't remember.

He wasn't supposed to.

Was this what it meant...?

“From birth til death, I won't exist...” Fili mumbled, brows furrowed. “Not as I was...” he swallowed, and looked to Kili, who seemed confused and suspicious of him now.

“Sorry,” Fili apologized, and smiled. He couldn't help his look then, and the tears that stung the corner of his eyes. He had never been happier to see him, memories taken or not. But it was reversed, Kili was safe. His uncle too, and his lover, hopefully happy.

“It's just,” he bit his bottom lip a bit, and was startled by the sharpness. Right. The teeth. Fili made a face, and sniffed, rubbing his eyes with the back of his arm. 

“It's just that you're very beautiful.” He laughed a little, warm and joyous.

That... was not what Kili had expected to hear.

Heat rose on his cheeks, and his heart skipped a beat which in turn made him feel even more confused. He barely knew this merman and yet... the pain in his chest had eased up and he felt surprisingly calm.

The way the other mer laughed made his own lips curl in an answering smile, and he found himself liking that sound. A lot.

"You're crying." Kili noted quietly, hesitating a bit before swimming closer. "Are you alright?"

Fili nodded, his moist hair falling into his face.

He cleared his throat, letting out a shaken breath. He gave Kili a watery smile.

“I'm fine.” Fili said softly as Kili moved closer to him. Fili reached out to him, and gently touched his cheek as he always did. “You're here now.”

Kili let out a nervous laugh, but didn't pull away from the touch. It was strangely familiar, one that made his cheeks flush and heart beat quicker.

"Who are you? You show up in these waters and just-- I feel--" He frowned a bit, lowering his gaze. "It's stupid... but I feel like I've known you before."

Fili shook his head.

“It's not stupid, it's...” he trailed off. He couldn't explain this either. It would take too long, and honestly, he felt like it didn't need to be surfaced. Fili instead cupped Kili's face in both of his hands, looking into those wide eyes, seeing the soul of the young man he fell in love with.

“... it's wonderful.” Fili said finally. “I feel like that to. That I've known you, that I...” he couldn't say it before. It was so difficult then.

“I love you,” he murmured.

Kili could only stare at the blond in shock.

He should get away, swim far away from the merman and his weird words.

Yet... they felt right. His heart _yearned_ and he could not explain why it did that. All he knew was that the pain was gone, and he had no desire to leave the blonde.

"I must be out of my mind." Kili shook his head, sliding his fingers through Fili's hair carefully.

“Not the only one,” Fili murmured drawing Kili closer to him. He closed his eyes with a flutter, and pressed his lips against the brunet's with a hot breath.

Kili _melted_. There was no other word to what the kiss made him do, fingers tightening their hold of the other's hair. He didn't even know the man's name and yet...

Desperate, grasping touches. Fili felt Kili take tight hold of his hair as they pressed closer, hands roaming Kili's scaled skin, smooth under his palms. Parted lips invited exploring tongues, and careful presses beyond sharp fangs. Fili could taste the salt water, and the flavor of the one he wanted to call his lover.

They kissed until their lungs burned, until Fili's lips felt sore Kili's own mouth had become a little puffy and pink. Fili pecked at them gently, looking at Kili's flushed face beneath moist lashes.

"I don't even know your name." Kili panted as the kiss broke, his cheeks heavily flushed as he stared at the blond. 

“Fili,” He said, resting his forehead against Kili's, smiling softly. Fili nudged their noses together, pressing in for another warm kiss, whispering quietly. “I'm called Fili.”

Fili. The name sounded right. It made Kili's heart sing, his lips curl in a warm smile. He had never felt anything like this before, something so perfect. "Fili." He sighed wrapping his arms around Fili's neck, resting their foreheads together.

Close and growing closer still, they held onto each other tightly, relishing the feeling of being in warmth and comfort. Fili felt the bleeding wound in his heart ease, and a new ache took hold. Love, glorious and constricting, and from that pain blossomed even greater overwhelming joy.

Fili wept, though silently, and kissed the one he could now call lover.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are appreciated~


End file.
